Sophia Bush finally reveals why she quit 'Chicago PD' in 2017: 'A clenched fist...'
Sophia Bush became a household name in 2014 when she played Detective Erin Lindsay in 'Chicago PD.' Her departure from the procedural after four seasons surprised fans and sparked speculation about why she left. Over the years, several rumors circulated, but Bush had not publicly addressed the circumstances in detail. That changed with Bush's memoir, 'And I Will Tell You Mine.' Though she did not mention any names, she confirmed that abuse played a part in her decision. The book is now available for purchase.
At the time of her exit, several outlets reported on problems behind the scenes of the popular procedural. In the book, Bush shared that she was subjected to ongoing abuse from a colleague. The actress added that things were worse than what was reported at the time. What began with inappropriate comments escalated to raised voices and more serious incidents. “At the time, nobody knew. Not really. Not enough. That’s what I told myself, anyway. I’ve been told I am alarmingly high functioning, but up until then, I had just called it ‘being a professional,’” she wrote in the book.
Bush recalled first noticing trouble when she was sent to represent the show during a press run in New York City ahead of its premiere. “A held breath. A clenched jaw. A clenched fist. Fist connecting with flesh. And then, worse. Much worse,” Bush wrote in the book. “Things done when there were fewer people in the room, but the rooms were never empty. Averted eyes, silenced protests, and whispers when something went wrong. Knowing our set was the one talked about on all the others. Bracing for conflict, for screaming, for humiliation when something, anything, triggered outsized rage.”
Despite these uncomfortable instances, Bush stayed on the show. Her previous experiences on 'One Tree Hill' had ingrained in her that this was part and parcel of being an actor. Therefore, she ignored the mistreatment and focused on the good parts of being on the show. “I’d learned it on my first show: Put the job, the family, above all else, and never let a guy who can’t control himself ding your work ethic or your integrity. You can take it. I’d had a few years of lovely sets in between, but a decade of training never leaves you — and in this heightened version of having my ability to perform tested? I snapped right back into that rhythm,” Bush shared in the book.
Bush also added that she cut her hair shorter to avoid hair pulls and made sure to make less noise so things could stay peaceful on set. Eventually, she decided to leave after her health started to deteriorate. The actress said that the stress led to weight fluctuations, hives, and hair loss. Bush informed the team of her decision in 2016. The actress stayed for one more season so that writers could craft a satisfactory exit storyline for the character.
The actress did not mention anyone, but after she exited the show, her co-star Jason Beghe was investigated by NBC for anger issues. He also issued a public apology at the time and mentioned he was working with an anger management coach.
The day the news broke, Bush mentioned she received a message from her abuser. “My stomach dropped when I saw his name on my lock screen,” she wrote. “I wondered what he could possibly want to say to me. I opened it and saw the message only contained the link to the clean-up piece. No other words. As if my boogeyman on the other end was saying, ‘Gotcha, you f---ing little b**ch,’ as he’d called me more than once at work. The article contained an assertion that he was remorseful and he’d apologized to everyone he’d hurt. Not to me, I thought. Not ever. Not that it mattered. I was done holding my breath,” she added.
