Internet sides with woman who called out mother for deceiving her about biological father
Netizens supported a user on an AITA forum on Reddit for standing up against her mother's long-standing deception about her biological father. The scenario was described by the original poster named u/This_Friend_7890, and the post has gained 3.5K upvotes and 500 plus comments from users.
In the Reddit post titled, "AITA for telling my mother to f*** off and saying she doesn't get to decide what I do with my life anymore?" The post explains, "Three years ago I learned that my mother had lied to me my whole life. I found out my father wasn't my biological father, that my mother had been married, widowed while pregnant with me and that she severed all contact from my biological father's family, met my father, married him and they agreed never to tell me the truth."
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'I confronted her and my father'
The OP explained that one day she stumbled upon a shocking revelation about their past while going through old belongings at their maternal grandmother's house. When she confronted her mother about it, she initially dismissed it as unimportant and told her to let it go. However, after further pressing, both parents eventually revealed the truth. "She never said anything bad about my biological father or his family. Only she felt it was best to move on, and to let my father be the only father I knew about. She didn't want him to be my step anything, she didn't want me to ever feel like I was anything less than his. She told me I was never my biological father's child. That she had loved him but he was the past, he was in the ground and his family had no right to stay in my life. My father told me he wanted me to leave it there and not seek out my biological family. I told them I didn't want anything to do with them again."
The post claims, "We were no contact for two years (my choice). I was able to find my biological father's family. They were so happy I reached out. They showed me how they had looked for my mother and for me. My mother's family admitted she told them and everyone she knew not to tell them anything about her life and to never share where we were. I got to know them and they became my family. It hasn't always been easy. They have so much grief that they never got to know me growing up, and I feel it too, as well as how robbed I feel that I never got to know about my biological father. I look just like him and I always wondered why I looked so different from the rest of my family. I also found out my father had set money aside for me over the weeks he knew my mother was pregnant."
'She called me petulant'
Finally it added, "About a year ago some contact was reinstated between me and my parents. I haven't forgiven them and it's not easy to speak to them. They did learn recently just how involved my father's family is now and how I have my biological relatives around. They don't like this. My mother decided to ask about the future, my wedding, etc and said I can't have both there. I told her if she wants to be there she'd need to accept that my family will be. She told me I am choosing someone I never knew over loving parents. She also told me I was HER child. I told her to fuck off and told her she doesn't get to decide what I do with my life anymore. She's still not over what I said. She called me petulant."
'Your mom way overstepped her boundaries'
One supportive user commented, "Holy wow. You are NTA here but damn...she's denied you access to important family literally robbing you of life-forming relationships. And now she's still trying to force you to choose between your families. WTH is she afraid of here?? I'd seriously be asking what exactly she has against them. She's being extremely unreasonable. I'm so, so sorry. I can't imagine the pain you've gone and are going through."
Another chimed in, "She told me I am choosing someone I never knew over loving parents. You never knew them because SHE kept you uninformed an away from them. She also told me I was HER child. But you are also your dad's family's grandson and nephew. Your mom way overstepped her boundaries by taking your family away, hiding your past, and lie about who your father was. NTA."
Someone added, "NTA. You don't say how old you are, but you're obviously old enough that you should have been told the truth from the moment it was appropriate and all the way through growing up. Your mother did you and your dad's family a terrible disservice by keeping up this lie. I'm so sorry you missed out on knowing what you should have know. If your mom insists on you choosing, simply say that your dad's family will be at your important events and if she decideds to make you choose, she's the one who gets left off the guest list because she had you all to herself growing up due to her lies."
Someone siding with the OP added, "NTA. I’m really sorry this happened to you. Your parents should have told you and shouldn’t have kept you a secret from the rest of the family. You’re absolutely right to have your family at your wedding. They’ve missed enough of your life. Your mom should really apologize to them and to you if she hasn’t already."
