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'It’s giving abusive': 'The Ultimatum: Queer Love' star Vanessa labeled 'red flag' for mistreating Xander

Vanessa asked Xander to 'f**k off' in front of everyone, and neither the cast nor the viewers seemed to be amused
UPDATED MAY 25, 2023
Vanessa (L) gets bashed for her treatment of Xander (R) in 'The Ultimatum: Queer Love' (Netflix)
Vanessa (L) gets bashed for her treatment of Xander (R) in 'The Ultimatum: Queer Love' (Netflix)

TEXAS: Even while the stars of 'The Ultimatum: Queer Love' outperform other reality dating casts in terms of emotional maturity, this LGBTQ+-focused love story isn't without conflict. Reality dating programs, for better or worse, usually feature a villain. And Vanessa Papa played that adversary in the first four episodes of 'The Ultimatum: Queer Love,' which premiered on Netflix on May 24. Fans are not holding back in criticizing the reality star, especially after she treated her girlfriend, Xander Boger, in an unpleasant manner.

'The Ultimatum: Queer Love,' from the makers of 'Love Is Blind,' brings five couples together for a life-changing experiment. One member of each relationship has issued an ultimatum to their partner: either marry or move on. The twist: Each pair breaks up, dates other people, picks a "trial marriage" partner, and then spends three weeks with them. They then stay with their original companions for three weeks. In the end, they are all engaged, single, or maybe with their trial partners.

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Vanessa doesn't want Xander to date Yoly in 'The Ultimatum: Queer Love' (netflix)
Vanessa doesn't want Xander to date Yoly in 'The Ultimatum: Queer Love' (Netflix)

Vaness gets upset as Xander chooses Yoly

By the conclusion of Episode 4, the trial marriages were in full gear, but one of the most heated moments of the season's first batch occurred during the trial marriage selection ritual, which will always be stressful no matter how many seasons 'The Ultimatum' franchise gets. Seeing your ex select a new beau in front of you is an emotional minefield ready to explode. Despite the challenging, only-on-TV conditions, the majority of the actors remained calm while their partners picked other individuals, and then Xander chose their "spouse."

Xander, Vanessa's four-year partner, gave her the ultimatum. Xander came into this experiment prepared to marry Vanessa and have children with her. Vanessa, on the other hand, had no desire to marry or have children with Xander. Vanessa was raucous and energetic during the dating process, and she appeared more interested in meeting new people than in reconnecting with Xander later on. Vanessa seemed to consider this as an exciting break from her relationship based on her dates, which cast members saw as deceptive.

Vanessa made her motives look suspicious on her final date with Lexi Goldberg, forcing Lexi to break up with her, question her about her statements regarding Xander, and question why she was engaging in the experience at all. Lexi was certain Vanessa was on the show to get famous after that, and cast mates like Yoly Rojas and Mildred Woody were open about their disdain for her. Mal Wright concurred but was more reserved in their response. Vanessa seems to be looking forward to her time away from Xander based on what we observed of her. During the Episode 3 selection ceremony, she exhibited a significant shift in tone. Overall, the selection procedure for 'Queer Love' was smoother than that of its predecessor. There were no surprise proposals or partner selection overlaps, but the tension was palpable, tears were shed, and conflicts broke out. Things reached a boiling point when Xander picked Yoly as their trial partner, the one lady Vanessa didn't want her ex to date.

Vanessa interrupted Xander as they discussed why dating Yoly felt nice. When a prior fling Vanessa claimed she was unaware about was brought up, she became confused and angry. The cast was not amused when she told Xander to "f**k off" in front of everyone. Xander sprang to Vanessa's defense, but they both appeared uneasy.

Vanessa mouths 'f**k off' to Xander as she chooses Yoly as her 'trial wife' in 'The Ultimatum: Queer Love' (netflix)
Vanessa mouths 'f**k off' to Xander as she chooses Yoly as her 'trial wife' in 'The Ultimatum: Queer Love' (netflix)

'Xander deserves SO much more than Vanessa'

Reacting to the whole dinner scene, one fan took to Twitter and wrote, "I do not like the way Vanessa said f**k off to Xander like that. It’s giving abusive bc you’re the one that doesn’t even wanna marry her." A second user wrote, "I find it funny that Vanessa from The Ultimatum was super confident and excited about dating new ppl and was sooo sure that Xander wouldn’t be interested in literally anyone else so she was just super happy and loving the attention until Xander was actually interested in someone." Another person chimed in, "Xander deserves SO much more than Vanessa. She’s toxic as hell." A fourth user tweeted, "I’m only on episode 1 of The Ultimatum Queer Love and Vanessa seems like a walking red flag. I think this girl just wants to be single. I feel bad for Xander."



 



 



 



 

Speaking of Mildred trying to defend Xander, one person tweeted, "if you want to know what femmes protecting butches looks like in modern day, watch the scene when lexi and nearly every femme in the room reads vanessa to filth, with mildred saying “you telling xander to f**k off impacts everyone here except you.” Another hoped, "I don’t care who she ends up with but I hope Xander leaves Vanessa." One enrage fan tweeted, "Who does Vanessa think she is? I’m so glad Lexi put her in her place cause girl wtf are you even saying. Sayin Xander couldn’t do better than you when you’re not even attractive to begin with is an actual joke bye." Another fan noted, "Vanessa is trash. She basically said she agreed to be on the show because she “knew” Xander wouldn’t find anyone else. She likes what Xander gives her not who Xander is."



 



 



 



 

The first four episodes of 'The Ultimatum: Queer Love' is currently airing on Netflix followed by Episodes 5-8 scheduled to release on May 31. The final batch of episodes will air on June 7.

This article contains remarks made on the Internet by individual people and organizations. MEAWW cannot confirm them independently and does not support claims or opinions being made online.

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