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How Prince Harry's perception of Kate Middleton as a 'sister' has shifted over time

'From day 1 Kate made a massive effort with Harry. But it was a natural thing for her because she grew up in such an inclusive family,' a source said
PUBLISHED APR 30, 2023
Prince Harry and his sister-in-law Kate Middleton once had a great bond (Andrew Parsons - WPA Pool/Getty Images)
Prince Harry and his sister-in-law Kate Middleton once had a great bond (Andrew Parsons - WPA Pool/Getty Images)

LONDON ENGLAND: Unless you've been living under a rock, you would know that the once close relationship between Prince Harry and his sister-in-law Kate Middleton, the Princess of Wales, has deteriorated severely. Meanwhile, it goes without saying that the duke's relationship with his brother and Kate’s husband, Prince William, is practically non-existent.

It is worth noting that Harry and Kate once shared a deep affection for one another, ever since the start of her and William's relationship. However, despite surviving the initial tremors of the 2018 bridesmaids dress row, the once-loving relationship has been reduced to nothing as Harry's media bombshells have reportedly "deeply wounded" his sister-in-law.

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Prince Harry had once referred to Kate Middleton as the "sister he never had." However, his current relationship with her is not as cordial as it used to be, according to the Daily Mail. The report added that during the early stages of his brother's relationship with Princess Diana, Prince Harry expressed concern that she might "take Willy away" from him. Nonetheless, they had a good relationship and frequently attended royal events together. Kate often acted as a peacemaker after the disconnect began between her husband and Harry. However, the relationship now seems to be broken beyond repair.

Catherine, Princess of Wales, Prince William, Prince of Wales, Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex, and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex on the long Walk at Windsor Castle on September 10, 2022 in Windsor, England. Crowds have gathered and tributes left at the gates of Windsor Castle to Queen Elizabeth II, who died at Balmoral Castle on 8 September, 2022.
Catherine, Princess of Wales, Prince William, Prince of Wales, Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex, and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex on the Long Walk at Windsor Castle on September 10, 2022, in Windsor, England (Kirsty O'Connor - WPA Pool/Getty Images)

A source at the University of St Andrews -- where William and Kate met and fell in love -- told the Daily Mail in 2016 that Kate always had an open door for Harry, even dating back to the early days of her and William's courtship. “While they were students, she always made him feel welcome at the four-bedroom cottage they rented on distant royal cousin Henry Cheape’s estate, Strathtyrum, just outside St. Andrews,” the insider said. They added, “The three also spent weekends together at the cottage, Tam-na-Ghar, on the Balmoral estate.”

Meanwhile, another source said cynics “might say she knew that getting on with Harry was key to her relationship with William. Harry, although he can be moody, over-sensitive, and unreliable to his girlfriends, is otherwise enormously good fun. Everybody likes him. Why shouldn’t Kate, too?” Yet another insider added, “From day one Kate made a massive effort with Harry. But it was a natural thing for her because she grew up in such an inclusive family, the ‘en masse Middletons’ and all that,” referring to the Middletons' tight family unit.

Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge and Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex attend the ANZAC Day Service of Commemoration and Thanksgiving at Westminster Abbey on April 25, 2019 in London, United Kingdom.
Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, and Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex attend the ANZAC Day Service of Commemoration and Thanksgiving at Westminster Abbey on April 25, 2019, in London, United Kingdom (Jeremy Selwyn-WPA Pool/Getty Images)

According to Harry, he only learned of William and Kate's engagement when it was announced publicly in November 2010. “I am delighted that my brother has popped the question! It means I get a sister, which I have always wanted," he said in a statement at the time. A source said that during the years between William and Kate's 2011 nuptials and his own wedding to Meghan in 2018, a strong, sisterly bond was cemented with the at-times lonely Harry,” adding, "as Harry once said, Kate is like the big sister he never had. Even, occasionally, a mother figure.”

The Daily Mail continued, “...and so, into the emotional vacuum [William and Harry’s late mother Princess] Diana left behind for both her sons, stepped Kate. At the time, it was reported she had become both a trusted counsel and something of a partner in crime for the persistently single Harry. Reports stated they had a ‘genuine friendship,’ which was founded on nights spent in front of Game of Thrones boxsets and companionable suppers. From giving him cookery lessons to offering sensible romantic advice, Kate became Harry’s lynchpin.”

Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge and Prince Harry smile as the leave a Service Of Thanksgiving at St Paul's Cathedral on June 5, 2012 in London, England. For only the second time in its history the UK celebrates the Diamond Jubilee of a monarch. Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II celebrates the 60th anniversary of her ascension to the throne. Thousands of wellwishers from around the world have flocked to London to witness the spectacle of the weekend's celebrations.
Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, and Prince Harry smile as they leave a Service Of Thanksgiving at St Paul's Cathedral on June 5, 2012, in London, England (Photo by Matt Cardy/Getty Images)

“Harry appeals to her sillier side because he is carefree, footloose, and loves banter," a source told the newspaper. "He finds things funny about people and says so.” And after William and Kate began having children -- Prince George in 2013, Princess Charlotte in 2015, and Prince Louis in 2018 -- she adored "the way Harry plays with her children. He is very good with them, a charming big kid and silly uncle,” the source said. 

Harry was the then-Cambridges next door neighbor and “was said to be totally at ease popping over” to their home at Apartment 1A in Kensington Palace and “they’re used to their cozy trio. It’s hard to imagine anyone else joining them." The Duke of Sussex, however, denied ever being invited to Apartment 1A in his memoir 'Spare.' He wrote that he assumed he'd get an invite but was left disappointed and believed they felt “three is a crowd.”

(L-R) Prince William, Duke of Cambridge, Catherine, Duchess Of Cambridge and Prince Harry during an event to announce plans for Heads Together ahead of the 2017 Virgin Money London Marathon at ICA on January 17, 2017 in London, England.  Heads Together, Charity of the Year 2017, is led by The Duke & Duchess of Cambridge and Prince Harry in partnership with leading mental health charities.
(L-R) Prince William, Duke of Cambridge, Catherine, Duchess Of Cambridge, and Prince Harry during an event to announce plans for Heads Together ahead of the 2017 Virgin Money London Marathon at ICA on January 17, 2017, in London, England (Stefan Wermuth - WPA Pool /Getty Images)

In 2016, Harry had a whirlwind romance with Meghan Markle. “I think Meghan has very much been the catalyst in giving him that confidence to break free from William and Kate, and to break free from that trio dynamic, which was at times cozy and convenient, but actually wasn’t really what he wanted," royal expert Katie Nicholl said. Harry wrote in Spare that it had been his “dream for a long time” to become “a foursome.” The four were eventually dubbed the 'Fab Four' and William and Kate gushed about Harry and Meghan’s 2017 engagement, saying, “We are very excited for Harry and Meghan. It has been wonderful getting to know Meghan and to see how happy she and Harry are together.”

Harry even acknowledged that the group wasn't perfect. "I think it’s really good we have got four different personalities, and we all have that same passion to make a difference," he said at a 2018 event. "We have different opinions, and they work really well [together]. Working as a family does have its challenges—of course, it does. [I think] the fact that everybody is laughing shows they know exactly what it’s like. But we are stuck together for the rest of our lives.” Of course, this assessment did not age well.

Prince William, Duke of Cambridge and Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex attend a service marking the centenary of WW1 armistice at Westminster Abbey on November 11, 2018 in London, England. The armistice ending the First World War between the Allies and Germany was signed at Compiègne, France on eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month - 11am on the 11th November 1918. This day is commemorated as Remembrance Day with special attention being paid for this year’s centenary.
Prince William, Duke of Cambridge, and Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex, and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex attend a service marking the centenary of the WW1 armistice at Westminster Abbey on November 11, 2018, in London, England (Paul Grover- WPA Pool/Getty Images)

After Harry and Meghan tied the knot in May of that year, Nicholl said, “Harry felt William wasn’t rolling out the red carpet for Meghan and told him so. They had a bit of a fallout, which was only resolved when Charles stepped in and asked William to make an effort.” William and Kate subsequently asked Harry and Meghan to spend Christmas with them, but things continued on a downward spiral, and in January 2020 the Sussexes stepped down as working members of the Royal Family.

Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex lay ferns and a wreath at the tomb of the Unknown Warrior at the newly unveiled UK war memorial and Pukeahu National War Memorial Park, on October 28, 2018, in Wellington, New Zealand. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are on their official 16-day Autumn tour visiting cities in Australia, Fiji, Tonga and New Zealand.
Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex, and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex lay ferns and a wreath at the tomb of the Unknown Warrior at the newly unveiled UK war memorial and Pukeahu National War Memorial Park, on October 28, 2018, in Wellington, New Zealand (Rosa Woods - Pool/Getty Images)

The distance between Kate and Harry continued to grow, and an insider noted how Kate shed tears over it since she "missed" her close bond with Harry and feared she'd “never be close to him again." Additionally, Kate's workload skyrocketed after Harry and Meghan’s exit. She was often working 18 hours a day. “Kate’s in a panic and has been having bouts of anxiety,” a source said at the time.

They added, “She barely has time to rest, and when she does try to sleep, her mind is constantly racing.” The Princess played peacemaker between the warring brothers for the next couple of years and was “deeply saddened by the brothers’ falling out. Don’t forget she was incredibly close to Harry herself," Nicholl said. However, the media bombshells that followed -- including the Oprah Winfrey interview, the Netflix docuseries, and 'Spare' -- seemingly hit the final nail in the coffin.

Catherine, Princess of Wales, Prince William, Prince of Wales, Meghan, Duchess of Sussex and Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex pay their respects in The Palace of Westminster after the procession for the Lying-in State of Queen Elizabeth II on September 14, 2022 in London, England. Queen Elizabeth II's coffin is taken in procession on a Gun Carriage of The King's Troop Royal Horse Artillery from Buckingham Palace to Westminster Hall where she will lay in state until the early morning of her funeral. Queen Elizabeth II died at Balmoral Castle in Scotland on September 8, 2022, and is succeeded by her eldest son, King Charles III.
Catherine, Princess of Wales, Prince William, Prince of Wales, Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, and Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex pay their respects in The Palace of Westminster after the procession for the Lying-in State of Queen Elizabeth II on September 14, 2022, in London, England (Christopher Furlong/Getty Images)

“I think Catherine and William will be feeling deeply wounded,” Kate’s uncle Gary Goldsmith was quoted as saying around the time the Netflix docuseries 'Harry & Meghan' was released. “They love Harry, they miss him. He is family and, despite this attack, I believe they’d still welcome him and Meghan back. There’s nothing Catherine would want more than for the brothers to be reconciled because that’s the real love story here. Two brothers who love each other but have been torn apart."

Goldsmith added, "No one wants Prince Harry to be unhappy. No one wants to see Meghan so depressed she felt like taking her life, but is this really the best way to go about repairing relationships? To me, the series felt not only scripted and inauthentic, but unfair, self-interested, unreasonable, and untrue—especially when done in the knowledge that William and Catherine could never answer back.”

RELATED TOPICS KATE MIDDLETON PRINCE HARRY
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