Internet supports woman who refuses to perform life-changing favor for her 'pro-life' brother
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA: A 32-year-old woman has shared her dilemma, which has placed her in a very difficult situation. The woman, who uses u/throwaway996767 as her Reddit username, took to the platform’s subsection, r/AmItheAsshole, to post her story under the title, “WIBTA for not taking in my brother's kid?”
She described, “I have two daughters, 6f and 3f. Both my husband and I have very lucrative degrees so we've been able to cut down hours to focus on being a family and still make a good living. I love being a mother, and I've always dreamt of being one. I put a lot of effort into being the best mother I can, people tend to compliment me on aspects of my parenting or how independent and responsible my 6-year-old is.”
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‘He convinced the girl to keep the baby’
The OP (original poster) then went on to reveal that her 20-year-old brother had impregnated a girl. She explained, “My whole family, except me, is pro-life. He convinced the girl to keep the baby, and as she didn't want to raise it, he made her sign away parental rights and promised to take care of the kid. My whole family congratulated him on making the right choice, I advised him to rethink but it's his choice in the end.”
The woman then said that a few weeks ago, she and her husband revealed that they “were planning on trying for our third kid soon and we will probably stop there as we only want three kids. My brother later called me and asked me to talk about something and if he could drop by my house because he wanted to discuss something.”
‘They explained it as if they were doing me a favor’
The Reddit user mentioned that his brother did not come alone and their parents also visited her. She said, “The three of them told me they got this great idea about how I should take my brother's kid. They explained it as if they were doing me a favor. Because they knew I wanted a third kid and I could just take him in without going through a third pregnancy. They also explained how my brother wanted to finish his degree and couldn't do that while raising a kid so this was the best alternative for both of us.”
But since u/throwaway996767 was not sure about the proposal, she asked for “more time to think about it,” which led to her getting an unwanted vitriolic comments from her family. She added, “I do not feel comfortable raising my brother's kid, but I can't explain a non-selfish reason why I don't want to. I like having biological kids, I feel one of our kids being actually my brother's kid would add such a complex family dynamic I don't feel ready to face and somehow I just don't feel it's fair.”
The user concluded, “When I told my husband he told me they are absolutely mental and should respect my reasons for not wanting to do something like this. But I still feel guilty because I am capable of taking care of the kid and if I don't step up I don't know what the faith of that kid will be. AITA?”
‘Why are men treated like they’re incapable?’
A user commented, “NTA - your brother talked a girl out of abortion because.... What... He was expecting his family to care for it? No. It would be wise to sit down and explain to him that you are not going to raise a child he and your parents decided was better off with one parent, as that was the road they were going down before they knew you wanted a third child.”
Another user shared, “Why are men treated like they’re so fragile and incapable? I don’t see parents of young mothers wanting the baby to be adopted off to whoever will take them so their daughters can finish their degrees (maybe it happens, I just haven’t seen it). He chose to have a kid, he can take care of it. Many single parents have gone to university and finished their degrees. Since he talked his girlfriend out of an abortion, he can suck it up and do what needs to be done.
“If he was too dumb to realise that having a child at 20 will come with many sacrifices and hardships, that’s his personal problem. He made his bed. Also, there’s a good chance OP’s brother will ask for the child back in the future when and if he’s settled. Since the brother would still be in their child’s life is OP adopts the child, wouldn’t it be so confusing for the child? Like who would they call dad? This is a shitshow waiting to happen.”
“These people, like the vast majority who call themselves ‘pro-life’, are in fact just pro-birth. They aren't interested in life, otherwise they'd support it after it comes out of the womb too. It's disgusting. OP shouldn't allow herself to be bullied into this. The baby won't ever be ‘hers’, they just want to keep it in the family and they'll use it as leverage for the next 20 years,” the third one added.
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