Internet rallies behind woman who called BF's sister 'racist' for telling her she resembles 'K-pop idol'
A woman's revelation that she called her boyfriend's little sister "racist" 'because she likes kpop' has caused controversy on the Internet. The scenario was posted by u/Impossible_Tone8288 in the popular Reddit group 'Am I The A**hole?', where it received close to 20K upvotes and almost 5K comments.
In the Reddit post titled, "AITA for calling my boyfriend's little sister racist because she likes kpop?," the Original Poster (OP), 21, started off by giving some background information about her family. "My parents and I moved from South Korea to America when I was 13. Both my parents are Korean too," she said.
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She continued, "My boyfriend (m22) and I have been dating for 6 months. We go to college together, my family lives in the same city that our college is, his family however lives in another city so I haven't had the chance to met them until now. His parents invited us to spend the weekend over at their house so they can met me, up until now I have only spoke a few times on the phone with his parents but not with his siblings. He has three siblings. An older brother (25), sister (13) and brother (9)."
OP explained how his sister was a big K-pop fan. "My boyfriend had already told me this prior to meeting her and he told me to get 'ready'. I thought that meant that she would ask me to say something in Korean or something like that (it has happened to me before even by strangers in the street, it's annoying). Well, first things first she greeted me with an 'hello' in korean, I faked a laugh and greeted her too," she said.
'I was very visibly uncomfortable'
OP continued, "It wouldn't have been such a deal if that was it, but then she continued calling me 'unnie' and asking me if I called my boyfriend 'oppa' and such things. She then started asking where did I lived when I was in Korea, if I had met any idols, if I ever tried to be an idol myself, etc. She insisted on sitting next to me and she was taking photos of me eating because 'I looked like an idol'. Like, what does that even mean? I'm just trying to eat, her mother had to tell her to stop because I was very visibly uncomfortable. After eating she wanted me to go dance some kpop choreographies with her because you know, every Korean knows how to dance I guess. We stayed there over the weekend so it was two days of not stop of this kind of behavior."
'Your sister is worse than I imagined'
"I was so glad when it was time to leave. As soon as we pulled out the driveway I told my boyfriend 'you were not kidding, your sister is worse than I imagined' he laughed and said it was 'expected' of her to act like this. So I told him "so she's always this racist huh?" He took offense on that, he told me that his sister wasn't racist at all, she was only excited to met me. I said that all she did during our visit was to make assumptions about me and talk to me in a racist way (like c'mon, calling me unnie when she doesn't even know the context of the word has to be racist for Americans too right?)," she added. OP concluded the post, saying, "Now he's mad at me, I am mad at him too for not understanding my side too. So who's right?"
'Her actions were racist'
More than 4000 people left comments on the post. One user wrote, "Honestly I think a lot of white people associate racism with intent and not impact. Her intent was not to be racist, but her actions were racist, and poc shouldn't be persecuted for pointing out those patterns. She didn't blow up, she didn't yell at the kid (which a lot of us can't say we wouldn't have done), she mentioned it to her boyfriend in private in a space where he wouldn't have heard her. If a 13yo white kid started calling me her n****, asked me if I ever met Tupac or Beyonce, and insisted that I must be able to rap because I'm black that would be racist. It's also weird as f*ck to start calling a girl you just met your older sister. NTA."
Not racist, but ignorant
Another agreed, saying, "I agree with you. While the 13 year old may not have intended to be racist, she inherently was because she was being ignorant. Ignorance can lead to racism and this is a good example. The best thing for the family to do would be to explain to the daughter that not everyone in a specific culture or ethnicity acts the same way. I think a lot of people are going after OP because of how she reacted but honestly, I understand. I may be white, but I’ve had my fair share of second hand embarrassment from family members acting a certain way towards POC."
'Subtle racism'
A third commented, "Not every racist is a pitchfork carrying racist. There is also subtle racism. It's valid for people who endure racism, as little as it may be compared to other expressions of racism, to call it out. Also, a 13 year can behave racist, even if it's just because they were uneducated. Racism is still racism. It doesn't mean 13 yr old needs to be written off as a racist. It means she needs to be taught what's appropriate, and what's not. Liking Kpop is appropriate. Taking all these pics while OP eats, saying they look just like an idol etc, inappropriate. It's not OP's job to educate, tho. I'd imagine if their partner truly cared about them, the partner would take this opportunity to educate their sister, opposed to invalidating their partner." A fourth countered by saying, "I don’t think taking pics of someone as they were eating - because they “looked” a certain way due to their race - could be described as ‘subtle’."
Another said, "Fr lol I'm african and if someone just came in talking about the lion king and asking me about what village I'm from I'd be offended af. Yeah she's a kid but its not like OP screamed at her."
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