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'Give her a smack': Internet supports dad's refusal to fund step-daughter's wedding as he's not invited

The scenario was discussed in a Reddit post which garnered more than 8.8K upvotes and 2K comments
UPDATED MAR 1, 2023
(Representational picture- Getty Images, Reddit)
(Representational picture- Getty Images, Reddit)

A father's revelation that he paid for his biological daughter's wedding but not his step daughter's has caused controversy among netizens. The scenario was discussed by the original poster, u/throawatacc, in Reddit's well-liked "Am I The A**hole" sub category, where it garnered more than 8.8K upvotes and 2K comments.

In a Reddit post titled "AITA for paying for my bio daughters wedding but not my step daughters because of how she acts and treats me?", a man, 56, said that he was married for 25 years and has a 24-year-old daughter, April. His wife, Lisa, has another daughter Carly, 33, from her first marriage. "Lisa had divorced Doug when Carly was only 6/7 because he had addiction problems and refused to seek treatment for it and essentially couldn’t hold down a job or help provide for their family."

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Carly would often bully April

The man details, "I have always seen Carly as my own daughter and always wished to be an additional male figure in her life after her own father, but she always saw me as the man who replaced her dad and took them away from him." The man, having come from a divorced family himself, claimed to understand and mostly left Carly alone. "I never pushed anything beyond just a friendship between us and never forced a father/daughter relationship," he said.

The man claimed that "Carly was extremely resentful of April and thought April was here to replace her" and "would often bully April when they were kids." "Now they’re both adults and have their own lives but Carly continues to take digs at April whenever she has the chance, compares herself to April, talks down to her etc," the man wrote. 

The man talked about Carly's upcoming wedding and how she didn't invite him or April to the wedding even after accepting his money to pay for it. "April got married last year and I paid for the whole thing as she is my daughter. Carly recently got engaged and I offered to help pay for the wedding (which she gladly accepted) and the planning was seemingly going well until she showed her mom the guest list and April and I were no where to be found." 

The man continued, "Carly said she didn’t feel close enough with April and I to include us in her big day which I respect and understand. But she’s not close enough to me to invite me to her wedding, yet she’s okay enough with me to want me to fund the entire event? This is when I told her I won’t be paying for it anymore and it’s become a huge issue that I’m 'treating her like she isn’t my daughter, showing favoritism to April, it’s not fair' etc. I have done nothing but try to build a relationship with her for 25 years, but she clearly doesn’t want one except for when I’m financially benefiting her. I didn’t mind this when she was a kid because it was my responsibility to provide for her, but I’m just so sick of this now that she’s older."

'She's basically just wiping her behind with you'

More than 2K people left comments on the post, with all of them supporting the father for not paying for Carly's wedding. One user wrote, "Tell her you didn’t want to replace her dad so didn’t feel right taking his responsibility of paying for the wedding," while another agreed saying, "NTA (Not The A**hole) You raised her, included her in your family, your life, made her mum happy for the last 25 years, paid for her college, paid for her wedding and she's basically just wiping her behind with you. Well, keep your money, stay home and tell her to let her own father pay for the wedding."

(u/throawatacc/Reddit)
(u/throawatacc/Reddit)
(u/throawatacc/Reddit)
(u/throawatacc/Reddit)

A third commented saying, "I think OP has treated her better than a daughter. If April has treated him that way would he have paid for all of her college, likely not. If April disinvited him or his wife or sister from the wedding would he have paid for the wedding. Likely not. She wants daughter entitlements without the burden of a father daughter relationship."

(u/throawatacc/Reddit)
(u/throawatacc/Reddit)

A frustrated user wrote, "What gets me is Carly crying about favouritism, like she expects OP to treat her just the same as April, but she still won't accept him as family. April gets what she gets cus she gives in return. This being daughterly love and including OP in her life as such. He got invited to April's wedding for instance. So if Carly want to be treated the same, then invite OP into her live just as much? otherwise why? I mean, the wiring in her head is all messed up on something so very clear?? I don't even? If she doesn't want OP in her life the same way, don't expect OP to give the same way. I'm repeating myself, just... how some people I don't even know are able to disappoint me and make me wanna give them a smack over their head. OP, NTA."

(u/throawatacc/Reddit)
(u/throawatacc/Reddit)

This article contains remarks made on the Internet by individual people and organizations. MEAWW cannot confirm them independently and does not support claims or opinions being made online

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