Internet backs woman after she excludes niece from daughter's birthday party
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA: The Internet is siding with a woman after she revealed she didn't include her niece at her daughter's birthday party because her parents were too "tight on money." The scenario was posted by the user, u/punctualgirly, in the popular Reddit group 'Am I The A**hole?', where it received over 9,000 upvotes and close to 2000 comments.
In the Reddit post titled, "AITA for not including my niece in my daughters birthday since her parents can't afford it?," the Original Poster (OP), 31, shared some background information, saying, "My daughter (8F) and my niece (8F) are born 10 days apart. Due to this ever since they were little my SIL (29F) has always pushed for them to have a 'shared' birthday party. When the girls were younger (1-4) we used to do shared birthday parties. But my husband and I realized that we were always the ones to foot the bill for everything (food, decorations, location etc). The girls also were complete opposites. My daughter has always been more of a tomboy, while my niece is SUPER girly."
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'They were really upset and it started a huge fight'
OP continued, "When my husband and I told SIL and my brother that we won't be doing the shared birthdays anymore, they were really upset and it started a huge fight. They said they can't afford to throw a nice birthday for my niece but we can, so it makes sense that we pay for it since we're 'family'. Yeah, not gonna fly with my husband and I. So we stuck by what we said and ever since the girls have had separate birthdays."
She added, "My daughter and my husband love watching Formula 1 together, and she wanted to have a Formula 1 themed birthday this year. The weekend before the birthday we had a family dinner at my parents house. SIL, my brother and niece were present. My parents were asking the girls if they were excited for their upcoming birthday's, and if they were having parties this year? My daughter told my parents she is having a Formula 1 themed party this year. SIL answered for my niece and said they're not going to have a party for her because thing's were tight. The conversation was left there. Fast forward to this past weekend (daughters bday was on Saturday) we had the party and it was going great. The whole family was invited as usual, and everyone was having a great time until the cake."
OP the recounted the conversation she had with her sister-in-law on how the latter was confused as to why both the girls' names weren't on the cake. When OP said it was only her daughter's birthday being celebrated, SIL got mad and said it should have been "common sense" to celebrate both the girl's birthdays together as she had "mentioned that thing's are tight this year." SIL called OP and her husband "selfish" before storming off. OP concluded by saying, "Since then she's been messaging me and my husband non stop trying to make us feel guilty that my niece isn't going to have a birthday party, and calling us all kinds of names. I feel bad that my niece isn't going to get a birthday party. AITA for not including her even though they can't afford it?"
'Not your job to make sure your niece has a party'
Almost 2000 people left comments on the post, with all mf them supporting OP. One user wrote, "NTA. First of all it’s simply not your job to make sure your niece has a party. That’s up to her parents. If things are tight maybe they need to be creative but it’s still on them. Secondly, it’s ridiculous for her to think that hinting around will get her daughter added to the party. If it was as important to her as she acts like it is then she should have had a frank conversation with you and simply asked. You could have still said no but their wouldn’t have been the confusion. This is on them, not you."
'Really entitled, disgusting behavior'
Another agreed saying, "I agree and I mean a sheet cake is $20 at Walmart. Cake mix and frosting is even less. I know for a fact because we had our little girl’s party Sunday (her bday is today) and she wanted cupcakes so I made those and we also got a sheet cake. They could’ve got the sheet cake or the mix and made her a simple cake, and it wouldn’t have even costed much. They’ve just come to expect op and her husband to foot the bill and are pissed they refuse to anymore, which is really entitled, disgusting behavior. Op is NTA at all."
'They shouldn't have had a kid at all'
A third user shared their own experience and wrote, "I grew up dirt poor and my parents threw me some amazing parties. I remember my dad making us games out of cardboard and paint, playing things like the spoon on the egg race, getting family members to bring food, etc. SIL and BIL are both greedy and/or lazy. You don’t need a lot to throw a birthday especially when kids are small." Another user commented, "If parents can't affort a birthday party for their kids 8 years in a row, maybe they shouldn't have had a kid at all. A birthday is kind of basic."
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