'This setup works for me': Dad's gripe about losing ‘me time’ due to ex's marriage splits Internet
A confused father received some flak online as he pondered the changes he will face after his ex’s marriage in a social media post. The man, identified only as u/OldMessage5953 on Reddit, shared his doubts on the social media platform as he asked, “AITA for not wanting my son to live with me full time?”
He then went on to describe that he is a father of a 16-year-old boy whom he shares with his “high school sweetheart.” The father noted in the post, “We didn’t stay together but we co-parent our son ‘Mike’ pretty well. He is now 16 and starting his junior year of high school. There's no official custody child support agreement but we do every other week, at her house or mine. My ex just got married and is moving in with her husband soon. He seems like a good guy and he has twin 8-year-old boys.”
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‘This setup works for me’
But the functional family dynamic seemed to unravel when Mike told his father that he does not like his “soon to be stepdad and thinks the twins are annoying.” The man explained, “He told me when they move he'd rather just live with me full time and he said he told his mom and she was upset but would let him make his own decision. The thing is I actually enjoy this every other-week thing a lot."
“I love having my place half the time," he revealed. "I have a GF who is here probably 70% of the time Mike is at his mom's but not too much when he's here just to give him more room. I also have some friend's over semi-regularly on the weekends when Mike isn't here. This setup works for me.”
u/OldMessage5953 also stated, “I told Mike I didn't think it was a good idea and he should try and build a relationship with his new stepfamily. He said he's going to college in 2 years so he just has no desire for that. I really don't want to mess with the current ‘custody’ situation but then part of me feels like I’m being a crappy dad for that.”
‘Mike thinks he's annoying’
Besides, the Reddit user revealed in an update that that his ex’s would-be-husband “isn't abusive or anything and they don't even fight. He's just a super talkative guy and Mike thinks he's annoying and doesn't want to give living with him a shot.”
He added, “If he did it for 6 months and still hated it, Id let him move in full-time if his mom approved it. As of now, she was very sad about the request. She is a great mother. His mother and I are going to discuss this more before I talk to Mike more about it. I’m thinking of something like at least 6 months trying it out with our current arrangement.”
‘Your child needs to come first’
Most fellow Redditors responded u/OldMessage5953 wasn't a good father. A user said, “YTA. That said he's sixteen and doesn't want a step-family at all. I doubt he'd react much better when he finds out dad has a girlfriend. There is no abuse in this situation either. That said maybe have him spend every other weekend at mom's place? He wouldn't need to deal with the twins nearly as much and dad still gets a weekend once a fortnight where he can do what he wants…”
The second user wrote, “YTA, for the reasons this poster stated. Your child needs to come first, always.” “OP seems to think that shared custody means he's only a parent ~50% of the time and he couldn't be more wrong. If OP didn't want to be a parent then he should've practiced safe sex or at least some form of birth control back in highschool. Yta, OP,” a third commented. A fourth added, “Could you IMAGINE the vitriol a woman would get if she posted this?”
But there were a few who thought the father was not wrong at all as a supporter stated, “I don't love his reasoning but I don't actually think this is the wrong move here. It doesn't sound like the kid is thinking through how much this decision could damage his relationship with his mother, it's a very extreme decision to make at 16 which could have very far reaching consequences. Try it for 6 months and then let's revisit other options is actually pretty sensible I think.”
Another said, “NTA. I think if you let your kids allow to run away every time something new happens in their life you are not a good parents. You have to learn to adjust. His response was ok. Why are you upvoting this stupid post. He never said his friends are more important. The opposite, his friends and his gf Stepp back almost completely when his son is over."
“I think contacting the mom and discussing with her is very considerate and the right step," they added. "Why should he allow his kid to be estranged from his mom. In 10 years the twin, his mom and his step dad are still there and he has no relationship. That’s what you recommend with your post! Really?? We have to redefine who is the AH here. At least an AH with thousands of upvotes.”
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