Cheslie Kryst's mom shares daughter's final text to her: 'I know this will hurt you the most'
Warning: This article contains references to depression and suicide and can be triggering to some readers. Reader's discretion is advised
Former Miss USA winner Cheslie Kryst's heartbreaking last message to her mom before she died by suicide has been revealed. Before jumping from her NYC high-rise, the 30-year-old wrote to her mother April Simpkins, "First, I'm sorry, by the time you get this, I won't be alive anymore. And it makes me even more sad to write this because I know this will hurt you the most."
Simpkins recalled on the 'Red Table Talk' how she 'near blacked out' after reading the text. Kryst sent the message to her mother at a time she knew Kryst would be in an exercise class. "By the time I had read the text, an hour had passed," Simpkins told host Jada Pinkett-Smith, her daughter Willow Smith, Pinkett-Smith's mother Adrienne Banfield-Norris. "I [remember] calling my husband and screaming "what, what" and we got home and just trying to figure out what to do. I had not read the rest of her message, I just couldn't."
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Simpkins added that she immediately took the message very seriously as this was Kryst's second suicide attempt. She had attempted suicide once when she was in her 20s. "I love you mom, and you are my best friend, and the person I've lived for for years. I wish I could say with you, but I cannot bear the crushing weight of persistent sadness, hopelessness, and loneliness any longer," the message went on to say. "I've never told you these feelings, because I never wanted you to worry, and because I hoped they would eventually change, but I know they never will. They follow me through every accomplishment, success, family gather, friendly dinner - I cry almost every day now, like I'm in mourning. I wished for death for years. And I know you would want to know and want to help, but I haven't wanted to share this weight with anyone."
"Regardless of that, thank you sincerely being there for me in some of my loneliness moments without me even telling you I needed you. You have kept me alive and ready to face another day, because you answer every phone call and you are there for me at the drop of a hat. You listen to me and care when I tell you what goes on in my life and you've always made me feel as if you loved me," it continued. "I love you more than any person I've ever known. You've done nothing wrong, you've done everything right. I no longer feel like I have any purpose in life. I don't know if I ever really did."
Simpkins said that she was aware Kryst was battling depression but "didn't know the severity of it." She also said that she had begun to realize Kryst's "smiles were a little forced." She had been receiving counseling and had started focusing on getting good sleep. "Depression is not always marked by someone laying in bed or unable to do things," Simpkins said. "There are people who are high-functioning and can get through the day because they wear ‘the face,’ and we’re all taught to wear that face. Cheslie wore that face."
In the final text, Kryst also said that it is okay to share the note so the world could know how good a mother Simpkins was. "I've pushed away most of my friends, and I can't fix any of it no matter how hard I've tried," she wrote. "So, I will leave and rejoin God in heaven and hope to find peace there. I don't want to leave, but I genuinely feel like I have to if I want to escape my loneliness that feels like it has no end. I fought against depression for a long time, but it's won this time around. 'There aren't enough words in the world to describe my love and appreciation for you. You are the perfect mom and I will love you forever, even in death. Feel free to share this message. People should know that you are the best mom in the world and that you were the best mom to me I ever could have hoped for."
Kryst leaped to her death from the 29th floor of the Orion condominium building on Sunday morning, January 30. Kryst, won Miss USA in 2019, was a former civil litigation attorney who received her MBA and law degree from Wake Forest University.
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).