Woman vents about adult daughter moving in with girlfriend, Internet says 'stay on her good side'
Internet users discussed whether a parent has any right to dictate their adult daughter's actions. The parent in question was the original poster (OP), u/aitadaughtermoving who posted on Reddit's popular forum "Am I The A**hole." The post garnered almost 7k upvotes and 5k comments from fellow Redditors.
In the Reddit post titled "AITA For Telling My Daughter She Can’t Move 1,000+ Miles Away To Live With Her Girlfriend?", the OP, 46 writes that she has two children, Andrew (16M) and Nicole (21F). "Nicole was very bright as a child and excelled in her classes, and she headed into college with a plan to get a Master’s at least," she says. But in her teen years, "she became a bit withdrawn," and "after her first year of college she suddenly moved out from a relative’s home and got her own apartment. Then, after her second year of college (last May) she told me and her father (58M) that she was dropping out and might return in a year, but wasn’t sure, and that she was incredibly stressed and depressed and had been for years. It felt like it was coming out of nowhere."
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'She’s too young'
When the OP went to visit her, Nicole came out to her as a lesbian and revealed she has been dating a girl since January. She also "FLEW TO MEET HER WITHOUT TELLING ME OR HER FATHER!" OP was "shocked and angry" that Nicole visited a girl she has only ever seen on video calls. "All I did was gently scold her for not telling me, but that I’m glad she’s okay and that she had a good time with her girlfriend. I’m very new to this whole thing with my daughter, as I thought she was interested in men, but I’m willing to support her because I love her."
But the daughter then dropped another bombshell and told the mom she "intends to move within the next year and a half. She says it may be sooner rather than later because things are changing with her girlfriend’s living situation and she wanted to give me a heads up." OP was not happy with this decision. "I told her she’s too young and she can’t move that far away from us just for a girl," she revealed.
The post concluded, "She told me that regardless of her girlfriend, she’s been wanting to move far away for years and that her girlfriend’s state was on a list of potential places. She said she loved being there when she visited and can’t wait to go back. She says I’m being unreasonable by asking her to stay and that she hates it here and feels like she “can’t be herself”. Am I being the a-hole here? I don’t think she’s old enough or mature enough to leave."
'She’s an adult'
Redditors slammed the OP, declaring YTA (You're The A**hole) for trying to dictate her adult daughter's life when she has no right to do so. One user wrote, "YTA. It seems like you don't know much about your daughter's personal life. And that's okay, because she doesn't need to share, she's not a teen living under your roof. The more you butt in and tell her what she can and can't do as an adult, the less you're going to see her. Have you considered that the reason she wants to leave at all is to get away from the restraints of her hometown and family?"
Another user concurred, writing, "Yta, she’s an adult and she has respected you enough to tell you. It’s a shame that you weren’t close enough to get to see that she was depressed when you thought she was all good but keeping her close won’t make up for that. Fully embrace and support her because it sounds like she’s happy, stay on her good side and hopefully she will bring you along in her new life."
A third user wrote, "YTA. You can have an opinion of the matter, but that's all it is - your opinion. I'm not surprised she wants to get away from you - when she says she "can't be herself" she pretty obviously means that you are way too controlling and intrusive (just as you're being here). Wish her well, tell her you'll always be there for her, invite her and her girlfriend to visit. Don't try and run her life, it will completely backfire on you."
This article contains remarks made on the Internet by individual people and organizations. MEAWW cannot confirm them independently and does not support claims or opinions being made online.