'AHS' star Billy Porter pens powerful essay on having suffered sexual abuse in childhood, uses it to urge people to vote
Porter pens a harrowing tale of how he was sexually abused by his stepdad in childhood while drawing parallels with Justice Brett Kavanaugh as 'a sexual predator, a liar, a drunk'.
'Pose' and 'American Horror Story' star Billy Porter penned a powerful explicit essay about the past sexual abuse he suffered at the hands of his stepfather in the hope to get people to vote. In a detailed uncensored essay for Out, the 49-year-old actor opens the story with a warning. "Be advised this contains very explicit content. If that makes you uncomfortable I suggest you move on now. Because what we’re not gonna do is shame the victims any longer. I have written this piece to continue with the excavation of a healing for my soul, not the readers' comfort level. You’ve been warned," reads the introduction. The harrowing abuse he experienced was between the age of 9 and 13 when his stepfather groomed him with cuddling and spooning.
"Innocent enough, right? I was longing for a father figure," states Porter. But the grooming by his stepfather escalated to him introducing baby Porter to porn starting from a softer magazine such as Playboy then to hardcore ones such as the Hustler magazine.
A year later, Porter says that his stepfather was sexually assaulting him by f***ing his face; "with my two hundred and fifty pound stepfather f***ing my face with his uncut, coke-can-girthed cock. (You were warned...)," he writes. The actor who plays Pray Tell on 'Pose' and Behold Chablis on 'American Horror Story,' points saying that the primary reason why he was sexually assaulted is because he was born gay and his stepfather knew it.
"He knew I would respond favorably to the sex, because sex is pleasurable," Porter adds saying that the sexual exchange gradually increased; "By year three we were making booty call dates over morning breakfast, in code and playing footsies under the table before I skipped off to catch the bus to middle school."
Porter writes that as a child, he felt things were consensual 'affair' which he'd "asked" for, and came to the realization he was molested when a therapist told him decades later, "Seven-year-old boys do not have affairs with 50-year-old men. It's called sexual abuse. Plain and simple. For those of you who like to conflate being gay with sexual abuse or having a weak mother figure or any of that nonsense - let’s be clear, my mother is anything but weak and I was molested because the predator knew I was already gay, so stop it!" he explains.
His first realization dawned when his sister was seven and the family had come to see Porter perform at Kennywood Amusement Park. "I saw how he looked at her as they pedaled their tandem paddle boat around the moat that encircled our performance stage. He was different with her. He loved her in a way that I envied. I never had a daddy like that. She was daddy’s little girl and it still pains me to this day that we’ve been left on this earth to grapple with the Jekyll & Hyde of it all," he writes, adding that his sister is a "rockstar of a human beinga and I wouldn’t be alive without her in my life."
"At the time, I still didn’t know if he was a closeted queen or an equal opportunity pedophile but I knew I had to say something," Porter adds. That very same day Porter told his mother about the abuse and even though she believed him, she chose to stay with him. He later moved out of the house after a failed confrontation.
The last time the actor saw his stepfather was in the spring of 1989, more than a year since the last time he had seen him after he was hospitalized because of "a mild heart attack." Stating that his stepfather's "demeanor was different" as he "seemed pensive" and "remorseful even" over what had happened, Porter revealed that he said he was proud of him. "He told me to not let anyone change who I am. Ummm…da f**k…? I left that hospital dazed and confused yet hopeful, I guess. In less than 24-hours later he was dead."
Then in bold one-liner sentences, Porter vents out his frustration:
"The motherf***** died before I had a chance for resolve."
"I hate him for that!"
The situation haunts him till this date. Bringing up the topic of "#METOO/Times Up," he says the "situation has triggered all sorts of monsters in [his] psyche with the force of a thousand aftershocks," inspiring him to speak out about the past.
He then concluded the piece on a note of recently-confirmed Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh as "a sexual predator, a liar, a drunk," adding that "his guilt [was] evident by his lies and self-righteous display of entitlement at those disturbing farcical hearings." Porter highlighted the political influences at work in differentiating Kavanaugh from other powerful men who have been accused of sexual harassment and/or assault in recent years including Harvey Weinstein and Matt Lauer.
"Yes, we’ve seen the clown car reveal of Harvey Weinstein and Matt Lauer and Roger [Ailes] and Bill Cosby and the like - go down in flaming balls of fire, and that is progress - but this Supreme Court side-show is different," he says urging the readers to "VOTE, B****ES!!! While we still can! It’s the only power we have!"