'Tough decision': Internet weighs in on woman's refusal to let her father-in-law move in after wife's death
Should you prioritize your grieving father-in-law or the comfort of your children during a difficult period? That was the question posed by u/plznothereaita on Reddit's popular group 'Am I The A**hole', where it garnered 4k upvotes and more than 1k comments.
In the Reddit post titled 'AITA For refusing to let my husband move his father into our home', the OP mentioned that her mother-in-law died recently, which has had a devastating effect on her husband and his father. "My husband is still struggling and I've been doing my best to be kind, supportive, and understanding," she wrote. "But he's been less attentive with our 3 kids (14F, 12M, & 9M) and I'm pretty sure he's struggling at work too but he won't admit it. He started therapy about a month ago and is going once a week."
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'Seeing my husband deal with his grief has been hard'
She further details, "A couple weeks ago he brought up to me that he wants to move his dad (75M) into our house. He said that his dad is struggling too and that being in the house he shared with his wife the past 50-years isn't doing him any good. He had an entire plan laid out so it was obvious to me that he's been planning this for a while without talking to me about it."
The woman also shared why she hesitates to let her father-in-law move in. "He wants to move his dad into the room that we had just moved our middle child into last summer. Before that, our 2 youngest were sharing a room so we did some renovations to make an extra bedroom so all our kids could have their own space. He wants to force our 2 youngest to share a room again so his dad can move in. He also wants to talk to his dad about putting their house on the market or possibly renting it out, which means FIL would be here long-term."
The OP objected to her husband's plans and told him that "barely any time has passed since his mom's death and it's too soon to make such drastic changes in everyone's lives." Besides, "Seeing my husband deal with his grief has been hard, especially since it's effecting his ability to be present with me and the kids. I really don't want a second grieving man in our house. I also really don't want to kick our middle child out of the room that we just made specifically for them. That isn't fair to them," she added. However, she didn't tell her husband this, fearing he might think she is selfish.
'Tough decision'
Redditors flocked to the post expressing their sympathies for the OP, with a majority calling her NTA (Not The A**hole), though a significant number of users also felt there were NAH (No A**holes Here) and tried to empathize with her husband as well. One user wrote, "NTA at all. After my father died, it was suggested to my mom that she not make any major changes in her life for at least one year. He could make a rash decision because of his grief and end up regretting it. He should get his dad in a grief support group or perhaps counseling like your husband is doing."
Meanwhile, someone floated other solutions. "NTA. It's not selfish to want your soon-to-be-teen son to have his own room. Find an apartment near your home, move Dad there. Have him over to visit a few times a week. There are plenty of ways to solve this that don't involve packing your house full of people and upending your family life," they pointed out.
One Redditor provided a different perspective as they wrote, "I’m gonna go NAH He’s thinking about the well-being of his father and you are thinking about the well-being of you and your children. It’s a tough decision to make but you’re going to have to make one soon. I suggest being completely honest. Not in a mean way but if this will really impact the wellbeing of your children, that needs to be taken into consideration. Can another room be turned into a space for him so that everyone can be happy? Try to come up with compromises."
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