'Her behavior has consequences': Internet supports woman who refused to invite her abusive grandmother to her wedding
A woman's revelation that she does not want to invite her grandmother to her wedding has sparked controversy among netizens. The scenario was posted by Original Poster (OP) u/Uplifting_armadillo in the popular Reddit group 'Am I The A**hole?' where it received more than 1K upvotes and close to 500 comments.
In a Reddit post titled "AITAH for saying my 83 year old Nan can’t come to my wedding?" a girl, 25, said she did not get along with her grandmother and introduced her grandmother by saying, "She had a hard life growing up and is cold to most people but she has always been vindictive to me, I’m not entirely sure why but she just takes a dislike to certain people one of her sons is completely estranged from her because she of how she treated him growing up."
READ MORE
'WHERE'S THE BEEF?' Internet picks a side as man makes meaty admission about in-laws and parents
'She called me a dirty sl*t'
OP continued, "My mother is the oldest and is very sympathetic to her due to witnessing a lot of the abuse that my grandad (her husband) put her through and due to that she moved in with us when I was 15 and she made my life hell. She told me I was the reason my dad died of cancer, she called me a dirty sl*t because she walked into my room when I was changing and I was wearing a black bra. She said I was the least pretty of my sisters because I looked like my dads side of the family and as teen I just hated my appearance. She was also extremely racist to my best friend when she came round and it was just awful. I felt on edge in my home for years and my mom would get mad at her but she would just cry about her past and my mom would forgive her."
OP explained that she didn't talk much with her grandmother now and was happy and content with her new partner and planned on getting married soon. "Now me and my partner are engaged and very happy, we have our own home, good jobs and I feel the stability and love has helped heal a lot of the trauma I suffered. She still lives with my mom I am polite when I visit but that’s the extent of our relationship."
She said, "I had my dress appointment and chose a beautiful dress and actually felt beautiful in it. When I went to visit my mom I was showing her pictures and my mom was complimentary and gushed about the dress my Nan asked to see and I stupidly let her look. She smirked and said a girl with my body type could never pull this dress off and said I best start dieting."
'I lost my sh*t'
OP raged saying, "I lost my sh*t. I essentially told her she would not have to worry about my dress because she’s not welcome at my wedding. My mom tried to calm me down but they I just started on her and said she had failed me by allowing her to treat me like shit my whole life, I stormed out and went home. The reaction from my family is mixed my sisters and partner has been very supportive and whilst they think I should not have shouted they agree with me that it’s my wedding and I can choose who I invite. My mom and her six other siblings think I was completely out of order. They have said I’m wedding is likely to be the last my Nan attends so I have no right to take that away from her."
The post concluded, "I feel like I could of handled the situation much more maturely however if someone else would have made the comment I definitely would have been but I just felt triggered and it reminded me of everything else she had said to me over the years. AITAH?"
'She needs to stop playing the victim'
Almost 500 people left comments on the post, with all of them supporting the OP. One user commented, "NTA (Not The A**hole). She choose to act disrespectfully to you. Yes, she went through a lot of abuse and terrible things that could explain her behavior… but she needs to stop playing the victim and use it as a shield for being so mean to you. It’s your wedding and you can invite who you want. If she wants to come to your wedding, we’ll then she needs to learn her behavior has consequences."
'She’s clearly very triggering for you'
Another agreed saying, "NTA Imo (in my opinion), she’s clearly very triggering for you, so I’m suprised she was invited in the first place. Putting your mental health first on what will be a very fast paced, and busy day, is not just reasonable, but necessary too. Side note, take time to enjoy your wedding, else it happens too fast and you fee you didn’t get a chance to take it in and enjoy it. Congratulations and good luck."
'A hard life doesn't excuse sh*tty behavior'
A third said, "NTA. I'm so tired of if people saying, 'But you shouldn't have yelled.' This woman has taken every opportunity to be cruel to you over a gigantic span of your life, and she chose to be nasty to you at a very special moment. Your limit was reached, and it happens because you're human. To those who say you should've been more mature...how about your mother being mature when you were a child and standing up for her own daughter! You are right in that she failed you. A hard life doesn't excuse sh*tty behavior. Being your grandmother doesn't mean that you have to tolerate her mistreatment of you. If your mom and her siblings want to do that, that's their prerogative. Don't be surprised if some of them don't show up to the wedding, but honestly, I don't think it's a big loss. Your wedding isn't your grandmother's 'right'."
'She will do something to spoil your day'
Another Redditor said, "NTA. Ever since your father died, your grandmother has used her past trauma as an excuse to verbally and emotionally abuse you. She had a chance to be at least neutral when showed the picture of the dress, but she had to be cruel. Good for you standing up to her. You have every right to a perfect wedding, surrounded by people that love and support you. Your grandmother isn't one of them, and you know, if you invite her, that she will do something to spoil your day. I truly hope that you have the wedding of your dreams!"
This article contains remarks made on the Internet by individual people and organizations. MEAWW cannot confirm them independently and does not support claims or opinions being made online.