'Not a big deal': Internet sides with man for 'abandoning' his wife in hospital
A man's revelation that he "abandoned" his wife during surgery to go to work has caused controversy among netizens. The scenario was posted by the Original Poster (OP), u/LongjumpingEffort116, in the popular Reddit group 'Am I The A**hole?', where it received close to 8,000 upvotes and more than 3,000 comments.
In the Reddit post titled "AITA for going to work while my wife was having her appendix out?," a man, 31, started off by saying, "My wife (32f) was having a ton of really bad abdominal pain last weekend. I drove her to urgent care Saturday morning--she didn't want to go but I basically made her. Urgent care made her go to the ER where they determined that her appendix needed to come out that day."
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'While my wife was having the surgery I went into work'
He continued, "She called her mom before surgery. Her mom must have told both of my parents as well because all three (her mom and my mom and dad) ended up at the hospital to be with her during her surgery." He added, "Now; here's where the conflict lies...I was scheduled for work at 5pm that night. I've just started a new job that pays well. I only started it a couple of weeks ago so I am brand new at it. I didn't want to call in. They probably would have been cool with it given the circumstances but I still didn't want to do it. I didn't even have the PTO for it; I would have either had to take the day unpaid or gone negative on my PTO. So, while my wife was having the surgery I went into work and pulled my shift."
OP shared, "My wife is upset with me. She is accusing me of "abandoning" her. But I think that is unfair. She was having a completely routine surgery and she had plenty of company and support. It was unfortunate that I couldn't be there and I feel bad about it but it's not as if I'm a surgeon and could have made a difference. I had to work, period, and I'm too new there to call in. The timing sucked but my wife's health outcomes were the same either way." He concluded saying, "Her mother gets it and so does my father. But my mom thinks I should have called in. AITA?"
'You prioritized your job over your wife'
More than 3,000 people left comments on the post, mostly supporting the OP. However, one user slammed him saying, "YTA. It was important to her that you be there. That’s your wife having surgery, man. You could have taken off work - all but the absolute worst workplaces would understand 'my wife is having an urgent surgery' - but you prioritized your job over your wife."
'No one was abandoned'
Another disagreed, saying, "This isn’t about priorities it’s risks vs benefits. There is no benefit to anyone sitting in a waiting room during someone’s surgery if they risk losing pay or potentially their job. People leave the waiting room/hospital for lots of reasons during their loved ones surgery. Sitting at the hospital, going home to care for kids or being at work would not change the outcome for OP’s wife. Also, if OP has no PTO the better plan would be to work during the surgery when there’s nothing for him to do & then ask for time off once his wife is out of surgery & actually needs help & support from him. eta — also wife had 3 family members sitting in the hospital waiting room for when she woke up. No one was abandoned. eta more — hospitals do not need families to be sitting in the waiting room to care for sick people. During 2020 - no one but staff & patients were allowed in hospital buildings."
'Can ruin your chances at keeping that job'
A third commented, "I’m going to assume dude is in America, where a good portion of jobs have that weird probation period where showing up late, calling out, leaving early, f*cking up can ruin your chances at keeping that job. Not every job in America is okay with their corporate slave missing work, OP is not that AH for going to work at a job he started a few weeks ago. No matter the situation his job probably wouldn’t have cared. Lets not even get into the amazing health care system we have over here, and the bill that’s probably headed his way."
'It's not a big deal'
Another said, "I had my appendix out, it's a pretty minor surgery. My fiance had to go to work (she was a resident at a different hospital at the time). I didn't even have anyone there when I woke up and had to get a cab home. It's not a big deal."
'One of my kids would have to be dying for me to take off days'
A user shared, "NAH this may be unpopular but as soon as I read ‘just started a new job’ I was on his side. As a young single Mom (many years ago) I or one of my kids would’ve had to be dying literally for me to take off days from a new job. Her and your parents were there and yes, I would’ve wanted my husband with me if this was happening but, new job. I don’t think ppl take new jobs seriously enough. I go a year before I will call in. I had one job for 13 years and the only time I called in was when I needed emergency surgery. I still don’t call in. I’ve had this job 10 years and have never called in once."
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