Internet cautions 'affectionate' dad against 'toxic' ex-wife after she tries to 'trick' him
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA: The Internet is urging a man to file for custody after his ex refuses to let their children stay with him. The scenario was discussed by Original Poster (OP), u/atwarwiththemystics_ on Reddit's popular forum "Am I The A**hole." The post garnered hundreds of upvotes and comments from fellow Redditors since it was posted.
In the Reddit post titled, "AITA for asking for equal custody even though I 'can’t provide for my kids'?", OP, 31 has two children with his ex-wife Elizabeth, who "worked a job 3 days a week that required 12 hour shifts (7am to 7:30pm) and because of that I was required to work close by." OP had a flexible schedule at work and made half the money his wife made so that he could pick their children up from school and daycare "on the days she worked, and have them fed and ready for bed when she got home."
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'She is doing everything in her power to not let me have 50/50 custody'
OP further added in the post that his wife "eventually took a remote job in her field making even more money and my job shifted to remote as well. We ended up splitting and I had to move in with my mom because I can’t afford rent on my own right now. I foresee this being temporary, maybe a year or so while I save up for a house. My mom has a fully furnished basement with a walkout door and currently my kids and I share the space. I have a Murphy bed and my kids have a bunk bed. There’s plenty of space for me to work and for them to play. Not to mention the rest of the house is available to us."
He added, "I’d like to have them half the time but my ex absolutely refuses and is doing everything in her power to not let me have 50/50 custody. Keep in mind, I do not drink, I don’t do drugs or gamble, or smoke cigarettes. I’ve never had a problem with them in the past or have any addiction history. I don’t hit my kids or yell. I believe in being firm but very gentle and I’m very affectionate with my kids. Being a dad is practically the only thing I care about."
According to him, Elizabeth feels that "it’s too disruptive to have them going back and forth between homes and it’s too confusing for them (we live 2 minutes from each other)." She also does not approve of the fact that he lives with his mother and doesn't have his own place. He added, "She considers me to be a bad father because of that. When I mention that I couldn’t have focused just on my career because I was also helping with the kids her rebuttal is that 'nobody told you to do that, if you went out and got a better job we could’ve afforded daycare 5 days.'"
'She’s trying to shame and bully you'
Redditors called him NTA (Not The A**hole) and suggested him to get a lawyer and file for custody. One user wrote, "NTA. Your ex is being condescending and, to be frank, vindictive. She should be happy that you want to be an active part of your kids’ lives. It sounds like you really care about your kids and love them enough to fight for them. Get 50/50. Your kids will appreciate it. Your ex is toxic. She’s definitely the AH here."
Another user wrote, "NTA. She’s full of it, if it was the other way around she would be furious that you were trying to lower her visitation because she made less than you. You did what you did in the best interest of your kids and I’m sure a judge would see that. I would also consider petitioning for spousal support if you not making as much as her is a major concern on her end. The whole point is to provide a similar lifestyle/situation at each parents home so you could always suggest that if her main argument is not having as much as her."
A third user wrote, "NTA, she’s trying to shame and bully you. My guess is that you will get at 50/50 custody, maybe even more if you were the primary caregiver. And she may have to pay you spousal or child support even with 50/50. She’s trying to manipulate you to get out of paying and trick you out of what you will get via custody from the courts. Don’t fall for it!"
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