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'She called me a selfish a**hole': Internet sides with man who refuses to help broke ex wife

The father of two wondered whether he should support his ex financially even if she was only married to him for the money

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA: Divorce is a painful process for all the parties involved -- the husband, the wife, as well as the children. While some divorces may be civil in terms of sharing possessions and custody of the kids, others may conclude and drag on for years after the fact. One Redditor asked the public whether he was an a**hole for denying his ex-wife financial assistance following the dramatic dissolution of their marriage.

The Reddit user u/Small-Fondant-1273 sought advice on a dilemma he was facing. He wondered whether he should support his ex financially even if she was only married to him for the money. Following the divorce, things went on a downward spiral for the ex-wife, with one of her children and her new husband becoming seriously ill. But after the Redditor refused to help out, he was berated and insulted by his previous partner and her new husband. At the same time, the poster is also concerned about how his two sons may feel about his decision.

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'Our marriage reached a bitter end'

The Reddit user expounded his predicament in a thread titled 'AITA for telling my ex-wife I don't care if she and her family starve [and] that I am just responsible for our sons?'

"I have two sons ages 16 and 14 with my ex-wife," the post began. "Our marriage reached a bitter end when I learned she had remained married to me for over three years so I would support her through returning to school so she could switch careers to an even better paying one, despite her old one paying as much as mine." He continued, "For years I tried like hell to save our marriage because I felt it fracture. She played along until she got what she wanted and then she was honest that she had never wanted to save our marriage and had been over me for years."

"When we divorced custody was set to 50/50 of our boys and she was ordered to pay child support to me because she was making so much more after her change of career and education," the man recalled. "She remarried a year after our divorce and had more children. After the birth of her last child four years ago things got bad. Her husband was diagnosed with cancer, then one of her kids got diagnosed with a long-term medical condition, then Covid impacted her job. Our boys would tell me how rough things were at their mom's and how they wanted to live more with me, so I went to court and the judge moved her down to every other weekend and changed the child support order to reflect her decrease in custody."

'She called me a selfish a**hole'

The woman subsequently moved into a smaller house because of their financial struggles and then approached her ex-husband for help after the courts refused to change her child support payments. "She told me I needed to help her and that I should be helping to take care of my boys' family, and that's what she and her family are," the man continued. "I told her she used me for three f***ing years so she could survive off my money, she did not get to ask me for more, to support a family that is not my own. She called me a selfish a**hole. Told me her family is living off charity and they could be so much better off if I would help them."

"I asked her why I was supposed to care. She told me she wished she had cheated while we were together and that using me for money wasn't enough. Again she told me about her family and how they would starve. I told her I didn't care if they did or not. That none of them are my problem and I only care about my kids. She called me an a**hole. Her husband sent me a text that night saying I was a cruel a**hole and he hoped the boys would hate me when they realize I want their whole family to suffer," the OP concluded, before asking Reddit if he was an a**hole in this situation.

Commenters overwhelmingly agreed with the poster and told him he was NTA (not the a**hole) in this case. However, many advised him to carefully plan his next steps. "NTA. Her new family isn't your family. And given comments like this, she isn't even apologetic about grifting," one responded.

"NTA, but make sure you have a high-level conversation with your boys so that they’re prepared for your ex and her husband to try to paint you as the root of all evil when they go over there," another offered.

"She further insults him while trying to get him to give her money. Where's the logic? I can only imagine what she tells her kids about him," someone else wondered.

"NTA Is she actually destitute? It doesn’t sound like she is. She moved into a smaller house—that’s still a house. It’s not a shelter, not even an apartment. Are they on food stamps? I'm getting the sense she’s having a hard time adjusting to life on a more modest income, but not that she’s totally broke. You also know she has a history of manipulating money out of you… I’d leave this up to the courts. If she was really broke, wouldn’t the court lower her child support payments?" a comment read.

"I agree, if she were really destitute then the courts would have adjusted the child support payments accordingly. NTA," another chimed in.