Internet advices woman to leave boyfriend after his family asks her to undergo a 'sexist' test
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA: A woman penned down her thoughts on Reddit’s sub-section r/AmItheA**hole after she failed to understand if she took the right decision or not. The woman, identified as u/Subatancial_Oracle, wrote, “AITA for refusing to honor my boyfriend's family's tradition?” before giving out more details.
The 27-year-old Reddit user wrote, “My boyfriend Eric (29M, fake name) and I have been dating for three years. For context, I have met his family and they are friendly. We don't meet them very often because they live in my bf's home country. I don't want to reveal country names either for privacy reasons but my bf and I are of different nationalities and we both work in my country.”
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'His parents and brothers expressed their happiness'
“The conflict happened during our last visit last weekend. We have been looking up houses to move in together and engagement rings. While we were having dinner, we mentioned this to his family as it's a big step in our relationship for us(we are not engaged yet.) His parents and brothers expressed their happiness for us then out of nowhere his youngest SIL asked ‘So is she going to take the test?’” she explained.
The woman shared her amusement over the “test” thing and when she questioned what is it about, she got to know that her boyfriend’s family “has this tradition where the future MIL tests future daughters-in-law to see if they are good enough for her sons. Apparently, his mother and aunts went through the same test. The tests include how clean they can keep a home, how well they can cook, their manners, etc. Basically life skills most people learn from childhood.
She added, “I found it ridiculous because 1. If I'm good enough for my boyfriend, he should be the one deciding it. and 2. I don't fit in their targeted category. In his mom's words, you can't be a good SAHW and SAHM if you can't be a good homemaker and she wants to make sure of that.”
'I respect their choice'
She elaborated, “To be clear, his mom and all three of his brothers' wives are SAHMs and although I respect their choice, I am not quitting my career and did not under any circumstances make my bf think I could compromise on that. I hate house chores and I would rather buy homemaking gadgets and hire staff no matter the cost than have to do chores myself. I told my bf's mom all this and it caused an argument that eventually ruined dinner and in extension our visit.”
Thw woman also revealed that her boyfriend did not take her side and argued with her saying she “should have just done the test because ‘it's just a test’ and it's not like they would reject me if I failed it. He thinks it's a fun tradition that everyone was looking forward to and I should have gone along with it anyways.” She added, “My boyfriend thinks I'm the AH and suggested I make this post. If I really am the a**hole, I'm sure you guys will let me know so am I?”
'No chance would I have accepted this nonsense'
Soon people began commenting below the woman's story and assured her that she’s not the a**hole. A supporter wrote, “He thinks it a fun tradition for women marrying into the family to be judged on their 'skills' in traditional, old-fashioned gender conforming roles? fine. let HIM take a test. he can rotate the tires, change the oil and maybe rework the transmission on a car. install a new muffler while he's at it. then he can perform a series of tests of lifting heavy objects.
The user added, “How are his plumbing skills? he's gonna need to know how to fix a leaky faucet. your father and brothers and male friends can judge him on his manliness and decide if he is prepared to be a 'proper' husband. he might also need to prove he makes enough money to support you for when you have to stay home and perform all those 'wifely' duties. what an obnoxious family. NTA.”
Another supporter said, “Kinda sounds like what my uncle had to do... OP is NTA No chance would I have accepted this nonsense. My free time is valuable. Spending it proving myself to folks who should accept me unconditionally is not even close to making the cut.” “NTA, and I think it’s a huge red flag in the relationship that he is not defending you against his family, and leaving you hanging on this sexist bull. He’s failing the ‘man’ test right now, and doesn’t seem like husband material unless he can step up and keep his family in check immediately, and apologize to you for the whole debacle,” a user added.
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