Internet backs woman who refuses to be 'just a bridesmaid' at her twin sister’s wedding
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA: A woman has posted about one of her life’s toughest decisions, which made her identical twin sad just before her wedding. Taking to Reddit, the username u/twin_bridesmaid wrote on r/AmItheAsshole, “For background, Stella and I are identical twins, 29F and we will both be 30 when her wedding comes around this fall. I had her as my maid of honor 8 years ago and she promised me that I could be hers when her wedding came around. I have 2 kids, 6F and 3F. They're the flower girls.”
But the Reddit user faced a personal issue when her marriage ended “just over two years ago, due to stillbirth and my husband's infidelity. My parents and sister were the only reason I didn't drown from the stress, loneliness, and total abandonment of my spouse. I was a total mess. I went to therapy, got diagnosed with bipolar disorder and depression, quit drinking, and I owe a lot of it to my amazing sister. She's the reason why I kept chasing down my ex for child support when he stopped suddenly paying.”
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‘This is going to be a very big wedding’
The woman shared that her twin sister Stella got engaged to her fiancé, Jon, last year. "His parents are paying about 60% of the wedding. Our parents are paying 30% Stella and Jon paying for the rest themselves. The biggest caveat is that they must be married in Jon's family's church, full mass with communion. The family is on board because this is going to be a very big wedding.”
The woman also revealed in her post that her twin invited her for a dinner but did not mention that her would-be-husband would also be there. She noted, “Stella had invited me to dinner, as they had finally reserved a date for the church and reception, assuming it was to formally ask me to be her MOH. I was excited since I haven't been to a wedding party aside from my own wedding. Jon was with her, weird because Stella didn't mention him coming at all in our texts about the dinner. We hugged like usual but Jon didn't. Weirder.”
‘They are no longer comfortable with you as MOH’
But the most unexpected thing was yet to come. In her post, the woman explained, “After we got our drinks, they got to it. In a nutshell, Jon expressed the following: ‘Despite my best efforts to keep it secret, my parents found out that you're divorced when they asked why your husband wasn't coming. They are no longer comfortable with you as MOH, because it won't look good to the church if my family hears about the divorce. You can be a bridesmaid but can't mention the divorce or your conditions at all during the wedding events.’”
‘My twin has suddenly become an Ursula’
She expressed, “I was stunned, and I felt tears in my eyes. Stella started crying too and she tried to spin it in a good way. ‘This is way less stressful for you, so it's a good thing! MIL has already approved my BFF as my MOH, so please don't make this any harder.’ I knew that I couldn't possibly stay there through an entire meal. I had to process this new info alone. I didn't speak. I just paid for my wickedly expensive cocktail, and left to order an Uber home.”
The woman also said that after she was told she couldn't be her sister's maid of honor, she didn't want to be her bridesmaid either. "A few hours ago, I texted Stella that I would not be in her wedding party at all. That was my decision. I wouldn't pull my daughters out, but I would only attend as a guest," explained the OP in her post. But her twin sister “wouldn't take this as an answer, so I had to temp block her due to her excessive texts and calls. I sent my parents a summary of what happened and promised to call them when I was in better shape tomorrow. Stella thinks that this is a total overreaction. I don't even want to know what Jon thinks at this point.”
In an update, the woman added, “I feel like I've been gut-punched, and I do need to be told if I am overreacting in a big way sometimes. I'm going to fall asleep now while binging Friends. And wonder if my twin has suddenly become an Ursula instead of Phoebe…”
‘Don’t allow your innocent kids to be props for Stella’s in laws’
Many in the comment section understood the woman’s heartache and a user said, “NTA Honestly I wouldn’t let the kids be in this wedding either, they don’t need to be subjected to the in-law's high and mighty attitude.” The second one wrote, “This so much. As painful as it is, please don’t allow your innocent kids to be props for Stella’s in-laws. Their religion & conservatism do not take precedence over your AND your kids' health & well-being. Hang in there, NTA.”
“I’m so sorry, but yes, I might pull out of the wedding altogether and just not attend. Subjecting yourself and your kids to judgmental people, who are going to ask anyway, will just add more pain and stress to you and the kids. ‘So where’s twin_bridesmaid?’ Let them handle it,” the third user noted and the fourth one added, “I wouldn’t go at all and I wouldn’t take my children. How can you bless and support a marriage which sees you and your family as less than, as something to be ashamed of? Jon and his parents are the malicious villains, but your sister is the weak person of no character who has sold you out to them. She should be ashamed. Hugs and love to you OP. You don’t deserve this.”
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