Internet advises boy, 14, on best way to get back sweater he lent to classmate who died
The internet doled out suggestions to a teenage boy who is navigating a delicate situation. The 14-year-old wanted advice on whether it is appropriate to ask for a sweater back he lent to a boy who then died in a car accident. The scenario was discussed by the original poster, (OP), u/OldPrice6256 on Reddit's popular forum "Am I The A**hole." The post garnered more than 6K upvotes and over 600 comments from fellow Redditors.
In the Reddit post titled, "WIBTA for asking a boy’s family for an item that he borrowed from me before he died?" OP, writes, "So I’m 14/M, and almost three weeks ago I let a boy in one of my classes at school borrow my sweater. He said he’d give it back to me after his mom did laundry, but unfortunately a few days after this happened he was killed in a bad car accident. Obviously I knew it wasn’t okay to say anything before his funeral, but now that it’s been a couple of weeks I’m wondering if it would be okay to go to his family and ask them for my sweater?"
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'We weren’t friends or anything'
He further details in his post, "The main reason that I’m not sure if it’s okay to ask is because I’ve never met his family at all and I don’t think they even know who I am, I knew this boy from being in school together but we weren’t friends or anything."
"I did ask my older sister for advice but she said that if it were her, she just wouldn’t ask because she would be worried about upsetting the boy’s family. And I do agree that if it was just any random piece of clothing I wouldn’t bother asking at all, but this is a sweater that I got on an important trip and it has the name of the place where I stayed so I do care about getting it back. I only let him borrow it because it was an emergency. So WIBTA?"
'You have to ask in the right way'
Redditors did not find fault with anyone in this situation but advised him to approach the parents with sensitivity. One user wrote, "NAH, but you have to ask in the right way. "I knew X from school, and was upset to learn what happened. I loaned him a sweater a while ago, and when you get around to going through his things, I'd like to get it back. It holds memories for me. I'm not in a hurry, and understand if you're not ready to do that yet. It looks like Y."
Another user wrote, "I'm going to go against the grain and say YWNBTA, as long as you are polite and considerate of their loss. A lot of families grieve by removing all traces of their lost loved one from the house (ask me how I know), and there's a not insignificant chance that the parents will just donate all of their son's clothing to charity. If you don't want the sweater to go to a charity shop, asking sooner is better. That being said, I will reiterate the need for compassion and understanding. They're grieving the loss of their child right now, and they need as much compassion as they can get. The suggestion of bringing flowers and a card with you is a good one."
A third user concurred with the suggestions of the other users, "I don't think it's an AH move to request it back but might end up having an AH impact though, since it's going to be determined by how the request is received. I think the way you frame it is important. Something like condolences message, that you don't want to burden them but "you gave him a precious sweater and you would appreciate it back as a keepsake" I'm not sure highlighting your previous sentimental reasons would go over great. Idk personally I'd write it off as a loss."
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