Internet slams woman for forcing 'a grieving routine' on her children at stepdad's funeral
A disgruntled parent asked on Reddit if he was "the a******" for handling a delicate situation involving his children, ex-wife, and her recently deceased husband. User KaleidoscopeLeft7130 noted in the post that his children, a 13-year-old daughter and an 11-year-old son, were recently shocked by their mother's behavior at their stepfather's burial. He added that, even though he had been in his children's life for seven years, they were not close to their mother's second spouse.
The user took to Reddit and wrote, "AITA for yelling at my ex and telling her to stop trying to make our kids perform for her after the death of her husband?" The user continued and wrote, "My ex-wife and I share two children. Our daughter is 13 and our son is 11. She was remarried for 7 years and has two children with her late husband. He died a week ago. My kids were not close to the man. He was a hardass and the kids found him overly strict (and I agree) and they didn't like being around him."
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'The relationship at best was strained'
The user then wrote, "The relationship at best was strained but they confided in me over the years that they hoped their mom would leave them. She loved the guy though and when he died last week she was a mess. Our kids were with me when it happened and she wanted to see them so I brought them over. They comforted their mom and she told them, repeatedly, it was okay to cry, it was okay to miss him, that they were all going to miss him. The kids said nothing. She kept repeating it. I told her I thought the kids got it."
The user further wrote, "When the kids saw their mom again she was halfway through planning the funeral and asked if they would be able to do a reading or something for the funeral. The kids said they wouldn't be able to. She was with them a while and then said, since they weren't crying much, maybe they could take a reading and see how they did on the day. Kids told me about it when I spoke to them and they asked if I could talk to their mom. I told my ex not to force the reading."
The user described the funeral day and wrote, "The funeral day came. I showed up for my kids. They were hanging back with me a lot, and they told me their mom kept watching them, which I witnessed myself. For the funeral I sat behind them since she wouldn't let them sit with me. She told us that all her husband's kids should be seated up front and I didn't have the heart to tell her they weren't his kids on the day of her husband's funeral when she was such a mess. So I bit my tongue and supported my kids. It was after the service when everything went down."
The user then wrote, "The kids came to sit in my car for a while and we were laughing about something. Ex came over and asked how they could be laughing when they had just buried their stepdad and why did they show no grief at all over the loss of the man who was part of their lives for 7 years. She said it was almost like they were glad he was gone. She told them they should have been looking way more somber after he passed. She told them if they really didn't care they clearly needed help because her husband loved them. I stepped in and told her to lay off the kids, they were kids."
'She told me to stop interfering in how SHE parents our kids'
The user continued, "She told me to stop interfering in how SHE parents our kids. My daughter ended up getting mad at her mom and told her she wasn't sad he was gone, he was an ass and she had always hoped she would leave him. She stormed off and my son followed. Ex was going crazy and I yelled and told her to cut it out and to stop trying to make our kids perform a grieving routine over her husband. I told her they were trying to support her and she should be proud of them for that. She started yelling back at me about what an a**hole I am so I walked away. AITA?"
The user then mentioned, "ETA more details on why my kids had issues with him. He spoke to them like they were soldiers and he was their commanding officer. That was how he spoke to his own kids too. Barking orders at them. Also very strict on how they sat and stood (posture). Was very tough on them regarding what extra curricular activities they wanted to do. He had his own ideas of what kids should do and my son especially wasn't interested in the sport aspect and that was not what my ex's late husband liked to hear. He also didn't believe kids should be helped with homework beyond kindergarten and did not like how the kids would react to seeing me during exchanges. He believed kids should act "civilized at all times" and them taking off running and jumping into my arms was something he did not approve of and said it to them (though not in front of me after I told him it was what we do)."
'You were protecting and defending your kids'
As soon as the post went online, viewers expressed their own opinions, as one of the users wrote, "NTA. It doesn't matter how much she wants to believe something; if your children don't miss him then they don't miss him. I don't see that you've done anything wrong here. You've tried to support your children and even went as far as. "I didn't have the heart to tell her they weren't his kids on the day of her husband's funeral when she was such a mess. So I bit my tongue and supported my kids." Many people wouldn't have been so restrained. Your priority is, and should be, your children. told her to cut it out and to stop trying to make our kids perform a grieving routine over her husband. I told her they were trying to support her and she should be proud of them for that. You needed to speak up for them because no-one else was going to."
The second user wrote, "NTA - You were protecting and defending your kids. But may I offer a suggestion if you find yourself in a similar situation in the future? When confronting your ex at her husband's funeral, blame the circumstance rather than your ex. "This must be a difficult time for you with the death of your husband. The kids are safe here with me. Do you have anyone to help you with their younger siblings?"
The third user wrote, "Naw, it's always going to be the kids fault for not sharing her opinions. NTA OP at all. She's probably never going to get better about this, you may want to get full legal custody and supervised visits. She may be one of those that will forever punish her children for defying her expectations."
