Internet backs man who rejected sister-in-law's 'unreasonable request' to become godfather to nephew
Should a person compromise their religious beliefs to stay connected to their family? This question was posed by the Original Poster (OP), u/rambamwoodle, on the popular Reddit forum 'Am I The A**hole?' which has received hundreds of upvotes and comments from fellow Redditors.
In the Reddit post titled "AITA for not wanting to go through the heavily religious process of becoming my nephew's godfather?" OP writes that his sister-in-law Stephanie just had a baby and wanted his partner, who is also Stephanie's sister, and OP to be the baby's godfather. Both were thrilled with this request and agreed.
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'You'll just be Catholic on paper'
But there was a catch to the request, as OP later noted when "we sat down to discuss the process of becoming godparents. Kate's family is Catholic - not strict or devout, but Stephanie still wants her son to be baptized through the church. I found out that in order to be a godfather, I'd basically be required to become Catholic. I'd need to be confirmed by the church and would be 'strongly encouraged' to attend weekly mass, pay tithes, etc., after being confirmed. Kate and I would also need to meet with a priest to 'discuss our living situation,' because we live together (we have been together for 14 years) but are not married through the Catholic church."
OP explains that he is not religious and considers himself an agnostic "maybe leaning toward atheistic" and that he is not comfortable "converting to Catholicism in order to be my nephew's godfather." He tries to explain his situation to Stephanie, but she gets quite angry with him. "She said I should be willing to 'go through the steps' and that I just could just not participate in the religious aspect afterwards ie, go through the process of officially becoming Catholic, and after the baptism I could dip out on attending church, tithing, etc"
OP adds, "I'm very firm in my decision that I don't want to go through with this, but Stephanie is insistent that since I won't "really be Catholic" it won't make a difference in my life. She says "you'll just be Catholic on paper."
Stephanie then threatened OP and Kate to not let them be involved in her son's life anymore. She told Kate, "if he's not devoted enough to [nephew] to do this, does he really care about [nephew]?" and "How much can he really care about you if he is willing to ruin your relationship with [nephew] just because he doesn't want to jump through a few hoops?" OP then asks, "AITA for not wanting to be involved in this process if it requires me to join a religion I don't feel comfortable with, even if I wouldn't technically be required to "participate" in the religion after the baptism ceremony was over?"
'It is A LOT to ask'
The post received more than 500 comments with Redditors calling the OP NTA (Not The A**hole). One user wrote, " NTA. I am godfather in title only, myself. But, if it forced me into a religion, regardless of how involved I would be, would have also declined, it's an unreasonable request. Ps, Stephanie is an idiot, trying to correlate not willing to join a religion to not loving your nephew."
Another user commented, "Ask Stephanie to convert to some other form of Christianity that isn't so strict about these things. Since she says converting is not a big deal, let her show it. NTA"
A third user wrote, "As long as one godparent is Catholic, the other doesn't have to be (you could stand as witness). It is preferred, but it's not necessary. Also, I am not sure Stephanie understands what goes into becoming Catholic. You don't take a few classes and you're done. It is a year long process with a lot of meetings, personal discussion, and evaluation. It is A LOT to ask. If Stephanie is throwing out ultimatums, let her. Call her bluff. The bottom line is she is expecting you to follow her beliefs for her convenience, but she will not allow you to follow yours. NTA."
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