Lamar Odom regrets cheating on ex Khloe Kardashian and his cocaine addiction: 'I hope we can be friends'
It has been almost five years since Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian split up and decided to go their separate ways after being married for a tumultuous four years. Odom has recently opened up on his deep-felt regret on how things turned out between him and Khloe.
People magazine was able to obtain some parts of his new memoir 'Darkness to Light' where he addresses his marriage to Khloe. He shared with the publication, "I wish I could have been more of a man," as he admits to his cocaine addiction and his infidelity. "It still bothers me to this day. But regret is something we have to learn to live with."
Despite their rocky split, 39-year-old Odom shared that the couple's whirlwind romance was total bliss in the beginning. The pair decided to get married just a month after they met. Odom wrote in his memoir, "For a while, being with her was bliss and I was the happiest I’ve ever been. We were one of the most famous couples in Hollywood and we made more money together than we had individually."
However, he struggled with his sex and drug addiction. "At the start of our marriage I was faithful to her," he shared, but it was not long before he started to have affairs with other women while his cocaine addiction started to spiral out of control. "I could not handle the lethal cocktail of the spotlight, addiction, a diminishing career, and infidelity," he wrote.
"Oh, did I mention the paranoia, anxiety, depression… I couldn’t keep my d— in my pants or the coke out of my nose. Drug addicts are incredibly skilled at hiding their habit. I'd get defensive and Khloé would just drop it," he added. Eventually, when the 'Keeping Up With The Kardashians' star found out about the lies and infidelity, the pair separated but she did not turn her back on him.
Odom had to be hospitalized and had a near-death experience following an overdose in 2015. He woke up to find Khloe right by his side. "I remember waking up and her showing me pictures of my mother," he shared referring to his mother Cathy who passed away due to cancer when he was 12. "I was surprised on how quick she was to show her devotion to me."
"Her love for me must have been unconditional. That’s the only thing [I think] that gave her the strength to still love me at that time," Odom shared. He is currently drug-free but admits that he still has not conquered all his demons. When it comes to Khloe, he said, "I hope we can be friends. I miss the family. And I hope we can all be reacquainted one day."