‘It was dark’: 'Guns N' Roses' Duff McKagan reveals sobriety journey, says 'I wasn't headed toward a long life at all'
SEATTLE, WASHINGTON: Duff McKagan, the bassist of the legendary rock band 'Guns N’ Roses', has opened up about his struggle with addiction and how he turned his life around with the help of martial arts and his wife Susan Holmes.
McKagan shared that he had a life-changing moment at age 30 in 1994 when he was hospitalized for acute alcohol-induced pancreatitis.
'I wasn’t planning on living past 30,' says Duff McKagan
In an interview with People, McKagan said, “I wasn’t planning on living past 30 at that point."
“I wasn’t headed toward a long life at all. Not to be morose, but that’s just the truth. I’d gotten used to people dying, and when you get used to it and you’re using, it’s a really dark place,” he said.
McKagan said he started using drugs and alcohol as a coping mechanism for his panic attacks, which have plagued him since age 16.
Duff McKagan self-medicated and realized he was an addict at 26
He continued, "So guess what? I self-medicated more and more." At 26, he had the realization, “I’m addicted to so many things.”
View this post on Instagram
“I tried to stop. I would say...but I was really just too far gone by the time I was 29. It was dark," he added.
After his hospitalization, during which doctors told him he would be dead within a month if he did not stop drinking, McKagan knew he had no choice but to finally make a change.
How did Duff McKagan get rid of panic attacks?
Duff McKagan was still self-medicating when sober. “So I was like, ‘Now what do I do with these panic attacks?’ That’s where martial arts came in," he said.
When he met the sensi, he says, "I saw the calmness in his eyes. I was like, ‘If I could get that, I wonder if I could handle my panic attacks better.’”
While he tried anxiety medications, McKagan says they were “not good for me.” Instead, he used his twice-a-day martial arts training, reading, and mountain biking to manage his sobriety and mental health.
“I was looking in the mirror and trying to figure out who the f**k I was,” he says, adding “And being sober after being f****d up for so long is like you’re on acid for the first six months. Everything’s so real."
This period of transition prepared Duff McKagan to meet his longtime love
This period of transition prepared McKagan to meet his longtime love, Susan Holmes, whom he was set up with through a mutual friend in 1996.
View this post on Instagram
“My friend was like, ‘Man, I know you’ve been sober, and I know you’re not dating,’” he recalled.
“I’m like, ‘I don’t know how to date. I’m trying to figure out who the f*** I am before I try to bring somebody else in there,’” he added.
But, after talking on the phone with Holmes a few times, McKagan was sold on meeting her.