Internet backs mom after she asks her ‘cruel’ daughter to find her own place
A woman has received huge support online after she felt guilty for giving an ultimatum to her daughter. The woman, identified only as u/BeaAndZoesBadMom on Reddit, posted on the subreddit “r/AmItheAsshole” that she’s “financially cutting off my daughter and giving her one month to be out of my house.”
Explaining the reason behind her decision, she wrote, “I am a mother to 2: (21F) Zoe and (17F) Bea. Their biological father was a narcissist and would demean Zoe and Bea. It took years of court battles, but my husband, Tim, and I finally got full custody when Zoe was 16.”
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‘Zoe has always had a tendency to be demanding’
The mother continued, “Zoe had been in therapy since my initial divorce. Zoe has always had a tendency to be demanding and cruel to others. I myself have gone to therapy and taken parenting classes to help Zoe. I’ve read books and tried every resource available. A big help was having Zoe channel those emotions into positive outlets (such as kickboxing.) Zoe used to enjoy therapy but called it a waste of time and chose to stop going when she turned 18.”
Describing her issues with her elder daughter, the woman stated that Zoe began using her childhood trauma as an excuse to ill-treat and disrespect people. “She lives at home rent-free while Tim and I pay for her education ($56,000+ yearly), car, phone, and all other expenses. Zoe refuses to help around the house. Asking Zoe to do any small chore (refilling our dog’s bowl) turns into Zoe screaming and swearing. Zoe believes she is entitled to our money and curses at us because we are saving money for Bea's education as well instead of giving it all to Zoe so she can have ‘fun money,’” the woman noted.
‘Hearing Zoe say that was my breaking point’
Mentioning an incident that worked as a tipping point for the woman, she said, “Tim and I left the house last Sunday for a doctor’s appointment. I learned Monday from Bea that Zoe had gone on a rant about how I was a selfish b***h since I asked her to put a frozen meal in the oven because Tim was feeling tired and he would need food ready as soon as we got home.
“(Tim is a cancer survivor. He completed chemotherapy at the beginning of the year. He is still weak/sick often yet has continued to work from home to help support us.) Zoe told Bea that ‘Tim is a f**king grown-a*s man! Why can’t he make his own damn food instead of me doing everything because he’s f**king useless.’ Hearing Zoe say that about the man who supported and nurtured her and was a father to her when her biological father didn't care to was my breaking point.”
AITA For financially cutting-off my daughter and giving her one month to be out of my house
by u/BeaAndZoesBadMom in AmItheAsshole
‘If she wants to act like she's an adult, then we will treat her as one’
The mother then reportedly took one of the most difficult decisions and told her daughter that “her car is still in her name and her last year of college has been paid already. I told her that she had a month to move out and the year's end to find her own insurance. We will pay for nothing anymore. If she wants to act like she's an adult who knows everything, then we will treat her as one and let her support herself.”
She also added, “Zoe will likely be staying with her grandparents. My sister is unable to house Zoe due to her lease agreement, but she has told me I am the worst person she has ever met because you never turn your back on family and I know Zoe’s childhood with her biological father will always have changed her. But Zoe’s trauma doesn’t give her the right to mistreat others, especially the people who have helped and supported her more than anyone,” before asking, “AITA?”
‘Narcissists are the worst’
After u/BeaAndZoesBadMom’s confession, a lot of people came forward to agree with her as a Reddit user said, “She doesn’t even need to come back. This is a grown a*s woman. She can figure out her life since she wants to be awful to those who help her.”
Another user commented, “She needs to suffer the consequences of treating people like shit because her father is an awful person. OP went through court battles, therapy, parenting classes, etc. OP is right, Zoe didn't get to traumatize everyone else because it's her trauma. Honestly it sounds like she ended up a narcissist seashore OP's best efforts. Maybe the real world will help her in a way OP was unable to. I am not holding my breath. OP once she moves out, change the locks. Don't give her a chance to destroy everything she can when it after she leaves.”
Another user shared, “NTA She has thrown everything back in your face and needs to grow up. She chose to not continue with the therapy and outlets that were helping somewhat, so she now takes the consequences. One thing that worries me, is how will her grandparents cope with her? How old are they? Do they really really know what her behaviour is like? Or will they be happy having her run all over them? Edit: I would recommend therapy for your younger daughter because she will have been impacted in various ways by her older sister's behaviour.”
“Zoe is displaying a lot of narcissistic traits. Hopefully this is something she can grow past, and the next few years will be telling in whether this is a phase, or if she's settling into the person she'll always be. It sounds like you've made all the right moves as best as you could, but sometimes the trauma is too deep and we can't save kids from it's effects. Zoe is no longer a kid, and no one will be able to force her to see her actions as being a mirror of what was done to her by her bio-donor. You need to set boundaries and protect yourself, your husband, and your other child. I'm sorry you're going through this. Narcissists are the worst and the generational cycle of narcissism and abuse is a very real and very grim thing,” one user added.
This article contains remarks made on the internet by individual people and organizations. MEAWW cannot confirm them independently and does not support claims or opinions being made online.