'I am stuck in this void of nothing': Bryan Kohberger says he feels 'no emotion' in old social media post
This article is based on sources and MEAWW cannot verify this information independently.
MOSCOW, IDAHO: The investigation of the brutal murders of four University of Idaho students, Kaylee Goncalves, 21, Madison Mogen, 21, Ethan Chapin, 20, Xana Kernodle, 20, has led to the arrest of Bryan Kohberger, 28, who now stands as the only suspect in the case. He has been charged with four counts of murder. The findings of the case have been heavily disturbing for investigators and civilians alike, and the recent discovery of some of Kohberger’s chilling older social media posts have only increased the paranoia surrounding the case.
According to a report by The New York Times, the posts were written by Kohberger as a teenager and have revealed his self-proclaimed lack of emotion and any sort of remorse for his actions. They were written and posted on the forum, Tapatalk, in 2011, where a profile was linked to the suspect with the help of recollections from former friends and a username that matched with an email that belonged to him.
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Kohberger has been described by former schoolmates as an academically gifted student who struggled with fitting in and socializing and troubled thoughts. The old posts seem to match the description, where he talks about his suicidal intentions and how he views his self-worth. “I feel like an organic sack of meat with no self worth. As I hug my family, I look into their faces, I see nothing, it is like I am looking at a video game, but less," one post reads.
Kohberger also proceeds to express feelings of self-hate towards his body, as he states, “Healthy blonde-haired boy with blue eyes, and in a few years, [he then had] darker hair and darker eyes, half the body weight.”
“I often find myself making simple human interactions, but it is as if I am playing a role-playing game such as oblivion; I can see what is going on, I am slightly into it, but I can pause the game and focus on my real life. I view everything as I would if I was playing oblivion, pointless and full of nothing, out of reality. I am moving out of my house, my last holidays were already lived, but where was I? As my family group hugs and celebrates, I am stuck in this void of nothing, feeling completely no emotion, feeling nothing," a post reads.
He continues, “I feel dirty, like there is dirt inside of my head, my mind, I am always dizzy and confused.” He also goes on to write about the “regrets [he] predicts for [his] future self,” and continued to say that he was “eerie and alone.”
Kohberger mentioned that he was affected by a condition termed as visual snow. According to the American Academy of Ophthalmology, the condition is a form of visual hallucination that is characterized by the perception of small, bilateral, simultaneous, diffuse, mobile and asynchronous dots usually throughout the entire visual field, but it can be partial, and it is present in all conditions of illumination, even with the eyes closed. His last post on the forum was in 2017, where he seemed to have come to terms with his condition.