Woman tries to make autistic daughter be more 'ladylike', gets mixed reactions
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA: Teaching children politeness and manners can be tough. A woman shared a story in this context on Reddit, titled, 'AITA for sending my daughter to her room because she farted at our family dinner?' The woman, who goes by the username u/RockyRoad776, wrote, “My daughter is 14 years old, I'll call her Rosie to maintain privacy. She's the middle child of 4 kids, with my oldest sons being 16, and 18, and my youngest son is 10.”
She continued, “She is my only daughter. She has high-functioning autism and is starting to model some of the boy's behaviors, and to the next level. She has some sort of a fart fetish. She laughs at farts, looks up every fact on farting(including foods that trigger gas, etc.), watches fart pranks on her ipad out loud. All without any regard to the context of the situation. I wish I was joking.”
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‘I set expectations with the entire family to be on their best behavior’
The woman said that she was very particular about table manners and taught the same to her children. She wrote, “They were told to say excuse me when they belch. cover their mouth when they cough and sneeze. Close their mouth when they eat. Very basic table manners. Some of these things I tell her each time it's like I told her the first time.”
OP then went on to mention an incident as she wrote, “Their grandparents, aunt and uncle and their younger cousins were invited over to our Thanksgiving dinner. I set expectations with the entire family to be on their best behavior, and leave topics regarding bodily functions out of the dinner table. Dinner underway, she gulped down a cup of lemonade and then proceeded to belch a few times, which the family turned to gaze at her. I reminded her to say excuse me and hold in her burps.”
‘Her actions were disgusting’
“In the middle of a discussion with the rest of the family. She passed gas and giggled. The entire family looked in her direction with stern gazes, and some jaw drops. It was after the 3rd time, I threw my hands and shook my head at her, telling her to go to her room and that her actions were disgusting, rude, and not ladylike, and that she needs to excuse herself to do that. Her father smirked a little and some of the little ones giggled which I told them ‘enough. It's not funny,’” the woman wrote.
She then noted, “My daughter apologized and stated that she will be careful, which I then responded that she had the multiple times you belched, smacked during the entire dinner, and farted, she had more than enough time to correct herself. This is unacceptable to be doing this behavior when people are having a meal, and I raised her better than this and we will have this conversation later and for now go to her room. She went to her room in tears."
‘She was trying to make everyone laugh’
“After a conversation with my daughter about the behaviors, she apologized again and said that she was trying to make everyone laugh and didn't expect people to get mad. I did remind her that it was actually rude, and she is expected to not do that again with company over.”
Concluding her story, the woman added, “After a conversation with my husband who passes gas very casually(thankfully doesn't do it with the company over), he said that I was being too harsh on her and it was just a fart, which I did call him out on him smirking at dinner and stated that she modeled her behavior from him. A part of me agreed with him and thought I was too harsh on her and made a big deal over nothing. Was I being too hard on her Reddit? AITA.”
‘Maybe your expectations are wrong’
In the comments section, people shared their own opinions. While some thought the mother was right, some did not agree with her. A user wrote, “This 100%. And I'd like to add that expecting ladylike behavior adds even more of a burden. She probably already feels like she doesn't fit in or measure up per se. And now you expect her to be ladylike? I think you are setting impossibly high standards, especially for a neurodivergent person. I'm 55, and with family and friends, farts are FUNNY! YTA.”
Another one said, “As a neurotypical adult woman that has been called ‘unladylike’ her whole life, I also cringed when I read that. Women burp and fart and go to the bathroom and sneeze just like everyone else. We think and feel and have emotions, and if they don't match your expectations, then maybe your expectations are wrong, not me.”
However, a person who supported the woman commented, “There’s burping and then there’s belching. No one “has to” belch. The issue is the sound, and this should be clarified. NTA.” The second one added, “All these Y T A comments are wild, farting at dinner even if it’s an accident is actually disgusting ???? And unhygienic wtf NTA.”
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