'My name isn't sweetheart': Woman shows how to be a boss in office and get men's respect in viral video
The world may have taken giant strides in terms of gender equality in workplaces. However, is everything as rosy as it sounds? In a recent viral TikTok video, a woman provides some insightful advise on how women can get men to take them seriously at work. The video was posted in late September and it has been trending since then with more than 3.9 million views garnered so far.
Katie Tucci, a 30-year-old lawyer with a Juris Doctor degree who specialises in cryptocurrency and financial technology law, drew from her own personal experiences over the years to talk about the things she does on purpose in order to hold her ground among male peers and bosses.
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In the trending video, she begins by introducing herself to other TikTok users. "For those of you who don't know me, my name is Katie and I just recently received my Juris Doctorate after specializing in cryptocurrency regulation and financial technology. But I'm also a 5'2" femme-presenting blonde. So here's how I make men take me seriously in meetings," she said in the video.
She went on to describe the tips and tricks which helped her earn respect among her male peers. She said in the video that she began each meeting with a firm handhshake. She always introduced herself by her first and last name in any business setting while trying to speak in a definite and direct manner.
Tucci continued by describing how she constantly makes an effort to sound assured. "One thing my professors pushed in law school, and I think it's very invaluable, is to stop waffling. 'Well, you know, there's always a chance that this could go wrong. I mean, there's the possibility that,' No, you're being paid for your opinion, your intellect, your research and what you bring to the table. Sounding unsure about what you're bringing to the table is the first way to undermine yourself," she said in the video.
She offered up some valuable body language advice that demonstrated her willingness to take up a lot of space. "I do not smile in meetings. I always make sure that my chair is raised up as high as it can be. So visually, when I'm sitting at a table, I'm about head level and eye level with everyone else, even though I'm naturally pretty short. I'm always the first to leave a meeting or end the meeting. I do not respond when someone acts surprised or impressed with something I say or do," Tucci said, adding, "Even if it's meant to be a compliment, like, 'Wow, you really seem to know a lot about this.' You give the stare, the nod and you continue saying whatever you were saying before."
She mentioned that using informal body language on purpose was equally important. "I intentionally offer body language that is more casual and naturally masculine, spreading your legs apart, leaning back, throwing your hands behind your head, taking notes on your lap, rather than sitting up straight directly at the table, looking at what you're doing, that sort of relaxed atmosphere actually translates a little bit to arrogance," Tucci said.
She said that she found this worked. "I take their card without offering them mine and wait for them to ask for it. I always try to be the one initiating whatever we're doing next, whether it's standing up to move and end the meeting, whether it's shaking hands at the door to say goodbye, whether it's moving someone from one space to another," she said.
"I'm the one who starts doing it to get everyone else to follow me. And if all else fails, and you're still getting called sweetheart and honey, which has happened to me on multiple occasions, there's absolutely nothing wrong with saying, 'You know, I really don't think You're interested in engaging in this meeting with me in good faith, so I'm going to have to continue to use my time elsewhere,'" she continued.
"'Oh, sweetheart, I'm not trying to offend you by doing that.' This is the most important part. You cannot let them get away with that. Do not accept an apology. Do not normalize it. Do not nod your head and smile. I know it's incredibly uncomfortable. And it's incredibly terrifying. And honestly, this took me years to feel comfortable doing. You stand your ground. You look them in the eye, and you say 'My name is not sweetheart.'"
"If you're feeling really sassy, you go, 'Darling, my name isn't sweetheart. And you should provide me with contact information to someone who is not you who also works on this case, so I can communicate with them.' And you walk away from that situation. You write down exactly what was said. You send it in an email to someone, you timestamp that," Tucci continued.
She said that it took her a long time to learn all these things and told others to not be disheartened if things did not exactly turn out how they had planned it. "Remember exactly what happened because they will come back and say, 'You're associate, you're young woman, she's just really sensitive.' Last time I checked, I didn't throw a little temper tantrum when someone said they didn't like me and didn't want to work with me. Don't be disappointed in yourself if you can't do this all immediately, it took me a decade to learn most of the stuff. Just don't ever be afraid to make them uncomfortable because they are never afraid to make you uncomfortable," she said.