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Did Meghan Markle try to kill herself? ‘The Institution’ refused help amid skin color bias: ‘I wished I wasn't alive’

‘I didn't know who to turn to,’ Harry said, recalling how his father, Prince Charles stopped answering his calls

Did Meghan Markle try to kill herself? The haunting thought has been hovering over minds after her explosive sit-down interview with Oprah Winfrey. Narrating deep struggles from her time with the royal family, the Duchess of Sussex disclosed disturbing discussions in the palace about her and Prince Harry's son's skin color and reflected on her own “suicidal thoughts” while living there.

“That was a very clear and real and frightening thought,” Meghan said. “I couldn't be left alone.” At that moment, she was almost about to break into tears but composed herself. Oprah was shocked. Meghan went on to confess how she didn't receive any help from the royal family in her dark days.

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Calling the thoughts “methodical”, Meghan went on to shed light on how lonely she was. In the heartbreaking revelation, she also told Oprah how she went to 'The Institution — which means senior officials of the royal family — and sought help for, asking to be checked into a hospital. According to Meghan, she was told it wouldn't be good for optics and was shrugged off. 

Meghan also said she reached out to one of Princess Diana's best friends who helped her through the troubled times. “Yes, this was very clear and very scary. I did not know who to turn to. One of the people I reached out to, who has been a friend and a confidante, was one of Diana’s best friends. Who else could understand what it is actually like on the inside,” said Meghan.

Sadly, she continued to have those thoughts and reached a breaking point. She recalled an incident when Harry had to tightly clutch her hand and hold her close at an event at the Royal Albert Hall. “He said don’t go, and I said I can’t be left alone,” she said.

During the interview, she described herself feeling captive as her license, passport, and credit cards were taken after her wedding. She had no access to any of those. On the verge of tears, she looked back to that day when the lights went down at the event and she sat in the dark and cried out loud. When Oprah asked if she had suicidal thoughts, Meghan said she wished she “wasn't alive”. The 39-year-old expressed how her thoughts slowly became darker and stronger.

No one knows what goes on behind closed doors at Buckingham Palace and that was reason enough why people should be kind, Meghan noted. When Harry was asked about his reaction to that period in the couple's lives, Harry said the royal palace did not entertain any discussion over the matter. “It was not a conversation to be had. I guess I was ashamed of admitting it to them. I don’t know whether they’ve had the same feelings or thoughts. It is a very trapping environment they are stuck in.”

“I didn't know who to turn to,” Harry said, recalling how his father, Prince Charles stopped answering his calls. “I had no idea what to do. I was terrified, I was not prepared for that, I went to a dark place as well.” This was “in the months when I was pregnant…” Meghan remembered and shed light on how her son won't be given security, would be deprived of given a title, and those hushed whispers about his “skin tone.”

Talking about the scenario in the royal family, Harry said, “The family has a mentality of, ‘This is how it is, you can’t change it, we’ve all been through it.’ But what was different here was the race element. That triggered the conversations with my family and palace staff where I said: ‘This is not going to end well.’” The 36-year-old added that he is “acutely aware of how scared they are of the tabloids turning on them.”

No sooner did Meghan's confession come out publicly, people couldn't help but slam the royals. “tw// suicide, mental health but nobody's talking abt the fact that the royal family and The Institution bullied, isolated and made Meghan Markle feel so scared for her and her son's life that she had suicidal thoughts. NEVER gonna forgive The Racist Monarchy for this,” one tweet read and another said, “To fully understand the gravity of Meghan Markle contemplating suicide you have to remember how magical and the idea of a Black princess was when she burst onto the scene. Her presence alone felt revolutionary, and the Royal family CLEARLY saw her as that level of threat.”

A third even went on to say, “Prince Harry's revelation that he couldn't tell his family that Meghan was struggling with thoughts of suicide is gutting -- particularly because it's likely that Princess Diana was struggling with similar feelings long before she and Prince Charles separated.”

Confessing how hurt he was, Harry revealed that he will always love his father, Prince Charles, but was “disappointed” by him. He also said the royal family “literally cut me off financially” in the first quarter of 2020. 

“I feel really let down because he's [Prince Charles] been through something similar and he knows what pain feels like and Archie's his grandson,” Harry said. “But at the same time, of course, I will always love him but there's a lot of hurt that's happened and I will continue to make it one of my priorities to try and heal that relationship. But they only know what they know — and that's the thing. I've tried to … I've tried to educate them through the process that they've been educated.”

Meghan and Harry's explosive CBS interview with Oprah Winfrey was televised on Sunday, March 7, on CBS through cable and it can also be viewed through online TV streaming services.