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Barron Trump and Robert Biden II: Parody writers fantasize gay love plots and virtual feuds between gaming teens

Whitman Wire's parody piece, 'White House in turmoil over Robert Biden II and Barron Trump’s relationship', dwells on the possibility of a relationship between the teens

President Donald Trump has not yet left the White House with his family and there is still time for President-elect Joe Biden to make his official entrance into the iconic residence. But humor columnists cannot wait. As a result, they have resorted to cooking up fantasy plots ranging from gay love to online feuds between Trump's youngest son, Barron Trump and Biden's grandson, Robert Biden II, who are both 14 years old. 

To start with, a parody piece published by Whitman Wire, titled, 'White House in turmoil over Robert Biden II and Barron Trump’s relationship' dwells on the possibility of a homosexual relationship between the two teens, which seems ironic, due to Trump's anti-LGBT stance in the past and the fact that Vice President Mike Pence is known for endorsing gay conversion therapy. 

The piece began by setting up a scenario where the media caught Barron and Robert uploading photos of each other on their MySpace profiles. "The photos clearly show the two young boys have progressed waaayyyy past political rivals into something much more. One depicts Robert and Barron holding hands as they T-pose in the Oval Office. Another shows Barron planting a kiss on Robert’s forehead as they hold each other’s Xboxes. Yet another is of the two holding the official Presidential telephone with the caption, 'We’d like to speak to the manager of Homophobia,'" the article said. 

The fantasy piece did not end there. It added: "Both changed their status on Facebook to 'In a Relationship' within hours of the photos being posted. TMZ covered the story, gaining exclusive insight from an anonymous White House aide. In the wee hours of the morning, Barron Trump snuck his 'friend' in so they could finally meet in person after months of talking via Call of Duty voice channels. This meeting is presumably when the photos were taken."

The idea of Barron hosting his friends at the White House was not completely out of touch with reality because Melania Trump's former friend and advisor Stephanie Winston Wolkoff wrote in her tell-all that the first lady had once told her a story "about how Barron had secretly placed a recording device in the Lincoln Bedroom and timed it so that it made ghost moans and noises when a friend of his was in there." As for the chances of Barron trying to sneak his father's rival's grandson into the White House while Donald Trump is trying every possibility to block a Biden presidency is another question altogether. 

The piece then goes on to detail how Robert showed "extreme skill" in dodging the Secret Service and he sprinted "across the front yard and vault across the temporary barricade erected outside the White House" after "protestors outside the White House reported hearing the sound of shouting from inside the West Wing last night, hours before the MySpace posts" and before "Melania Trump could arrive at the scene."

In the end, the article aptly captured the imaginary responses of both Trump and Biden. "In response, President Trump tweeted 'I love a good handsome young man but Robbie Biden? Barron is WAY OUT OF HIS LEAGUE.' President-elect Joe Biden merely commented, 'I love my grandson no matter what, and this only proves walls don’t really work.'"

The second piece was published by the conservative medium, the Federalist, and was titled, "Barron Trump debates Biden's Grandson, Robert Biden II, On Twitch," which wondered what a gaming feud between Barron and Robert would look like. We previously reported that the internet went into a frenzy after the president said that Barron a computer whizkid during his 2016 election campaign. People frantically began searching for any social media profile that Barron might have but failed to find any verified ones. The internet sleuths looked harder and they came to the unconfirmed conclusion that Barron has a secret video gaming profile on Roblox. According to the profile, the user liked K-pop and anime. Although the account was never proven to genuinely belong to Barron, it has secured him a new fan base 

As for Robert, not much is known about his preferences and if he is into gaming. You can watch a video he appeared in for the DNC below. 

Painting a picture of Barron's posh gaming den, the piece imagined the teen "was decked out with two softbox lights, an IMAX camera, DX racer chair (with pillow attachment), and a bedroom so gaudy viewers thought it was a fake Zoom background. He, being 14, is in the green jacket, slicked hair, Adidas, and gold chain phase." 

Robert, on the other hand, was more likely to have "less baroque" digs and as a result, was said to be gaming "slightly worn Herman Miller chair (in what was clearly Joe Biden’s home office) using campaign equipment to stream. 'I’m staying over at my grandpa’s, but he just stays in the basement except for when grandma brings him out for food since I came from the outside,'" Robert was imagined as saying, which was a clear mockery of the fact that Biden was isolating in his basement during the initial days of his campaign. 

The article played out the feud between the teens in this manner: "A diverse range of questions were fielded by the streamers’ tireless unpaid moderators, such as 'Energy drink preferences,' 'Best FPS Esports scene,' and 'Is U.S. democracy a bourgeois fraud, and should the state be smashed?' The answers were as substantive as one could hope from the 14-year-old children of two failed investors: 'I don’t drink caffeine, but there’s powder by Grandpa’s desk I’m not supposed to eat that I did once, it made me feel funny' vs. 'Two 5 Hour Energy shots poured into a Monster can, I call it the DP,' 'Fortnite' vs 'Cyka Blyat,' and 'My grandpa has the most progressive platform in US history' vs 'I smash your mom’s state everyday bro.'"