'The Affair' Season 5 Episode 5 evaluates Sierra's motherly instincts while Helen does her walk of shame into a new life
This article contains spoilers for season 5, episode 5.
It's not easy being a mother or a widow, with Sierra and Helen Solloway being emblematic of it on this week's episode of season 5 of 'The Affair'.
On the one hand, there is Sierra's (Emily Browning) intense mommy issues channeling onto her four-month-old boy for no fault of his own. On the other hand, we see Helen (Maura Tierney) mirror society's extreme expectations and demands from a woman purely based on her relationship to her partner.
The episode opens with Sierra's narrative and we see her trying to calm down and speak affirmations to herself, but halfway through comes her baby's deafening screams out of colic pain. All the time she is around her child Eddie, she looks like she is gasping for breath under the chokehold of the 'albatross', as her mother says later in the episode. It is clear the young actress wasn't ready to be a mother; not now, not in a solid decade at least. And now, Sierra feels burdened with the responsibility. She can't spend a second around that child - something that is probably Helen's fault, for making her feel like she can make her babysit any time she wants. But Helen is taking care of Helen now, so Sierra sadly has to do mommy duties, after all, the burden of which is only amplified further by an audition she desperately needs to ace.
As fate would have it, her role is that of a woman who can't bear to be around her child. Sierra is a natural, only made better by her mother's sudden visit. Sierra's mother is a blast from the past in the film industry; she had won all the awards and taken Sierra to all her sets until Sierra's father forced her to take her to school. There's resentment and there's the need for validation, both in equal parts in Sierra's demeanor around her mom.
She resents her for imposing these unrealistic expectations and criticizing her every move, but mostly, she resents her for denying her a normal childhood. Yet deep inside she also aches for her mother's validation enough to take her acting advice into account when she gets the part and has to begin filming from the very next day.
The fact that her mother's guilt is still sprinkled all over her self righteous holier-than-thou demeanor is also no secret. Her mother compares how Sierra was "so needy all the time" as a baby, as opposed to Eddie now, and these 'quips' mirror Sierra's thoughts about Eddie's incessant crying now.
Later when she talks about Helen being a helpful second mom to her, her mother takes offense. Even more so when Sierra points out that she spent an entire childhood on sets and therefore has enough idea about how to perform. Her mother lashes out, shutting out Sierra completely, probably the way Sierra dives headfirst into a manic frenzy and speeds her car, totaling it against a truck, with Eddie on the backseat. However, unlike her mother's vindictive manner of backing out of babysitting Eddie at the very last minute, Sierra's look of sheer relief when she finds out that Eddie survived the crash, is her saving grace.
Both the mothers are choking under the anxiety of failing when it comes to their child, and this self-doubt and lack of belief is also exhibited through Helen's narrative this week. Her relationship with Sasha Mann (Claes Bang) is soaring to new heights every day; but her relationship with her past - Dr. Vikram - is turning just as sour. On the night of a big party, Priya, Vikram's mother, begs Helen to bring over Eddie so he can meet his father's side of the family as Vikram's very conservative uncle is finally coming to visit his sister, Priya, half a century after disowning her for marrying out of her religion. But since Helen is taking care of Helen now, and also upon encouragement from her new boundaries-setting man Sasha, she strictly refuses to do that.
Helen feels horrible about it, even more so upon finding out why Priya pleaded so hard. But at the same time, she is still being expected to perform her widow duties, according to Hindu traditions, like wear white and be at her in-laws' disposal every now and then. Priya chides Helen for having a boyfriend just four months after Vikram's death, telling her she has everyone fooled about how nice she is. But just when Helen thought she was finally warming up to her new beau's status quo, things begin to show the cracks right at the very start. Even as Sasha's girlfriend, she is expected to sashay into the industry's closest knit circles like a debutante ball.
Sasha expects her to be okay when his abusive almost-stepdaughter randomly shows up for her quarterly extortion through emotionally manipulative drama. But he also wants her to be okay with him showing absolutely no conscience about backing out of a flopping movie director's movie, that he had agreed to do as a favor to give his dormant career a push.
In all of this, the only solace we find is Helen's absolute rejection of her first man, Noah Solloway's (Dominic West) advances, even after he tries to pull the 'we have four kids, I deserve a second chance' bullshit.
"I don't want your love, it terrifies me," Helen tells him, explaining herself one last time with the words, "It's caused me enough pain, so I'm done." With her beginning to see the flaw in Sasha's plans after that, it's possible that she would end up being the self-admitted 'idiot' to ricochet back into Noah's arms; but we'll give the Solloways the benefit of doubt this one last time.
'The Affair' season 5 airs on Sundays at 9 pm, only on Showtime.