Susan Orlean's drunk tweets about colts, cats and candies has Internet calling her their 'pandemic inspiration'

Orlean has become famous overnight simply for drunk tweeting about horses and other comfort animals while her family refuses to talk to her for being drunk


                            Susan Orlean's drunk tweets about colts, cats and candies has Internet calling her their 'pandemic inspiration'
Susan Orlean (Getty Images)
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Up until a few hours ago, Susan Orlean was known as the journalist and bestselling author of 'The Orchid Thief' and 'The Library Book'. The New Yorker staff writer has also contributed to some of the glossary's finest such as Vogue, Rolling Stone, Esquire, and Outside. But if you ask Twitter, Orlean has become famous overnight simply for her drunk tweeting about horses and other comfort animals while her family refuses to talk to her for being drunk. Just your new age millennial spirit animal amid a pandemic. 

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While this might look like Orlean indulged in some much needed shitposting that Twitter users should dabble in every now and then, her drunkenness gets really hilarious and really creative very, very fast. First she announced she was drunk and soon followed it with "Thank you for your support duri t this difficult time all misspellings are mine totally." Then there was the triumphant "I’m sure my neighbors did not notice AT ALL that I was stumbling drunk leaving f the casual neighborhood get together f**k yeah," followed by "Seriously we went to my neighbors to see their newborn colt who was born like five mi utes ago and we had some wine."

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The colt touched Orlean a bit too hard, as she went on to mention: "Ok a newborn colt rocks it totally and he thought my hand was his mom. It was not. He has tasted life’s infinite tragedy. As I mentioned Earlier I am inebriated." The last word really came out in the next two tweets, where Orlean shared "You guys. Do you tho k my neighbors think I’m a. never mind I’m going f to bed."

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But her bed isn't where she went. She went further down the rabbit hole of exploring her drunkenness, admitting "You know I am currently trying to write a memoir and feel like a clown because WHO CARES ABOUR MY STUPID LIFE but maybe?" She also theorized "Maybe I am drinking too much during THE F**KING PANDEMIC" and of course the inevitable "I’m falling down drunk. First time in ages. Where is my kitty? He is my drunk comfort animal." Orlean also declares she would like some candy and asks where exactly is her cat right when she needs him the most.

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Internet has decided they 'want to party with Susan Orlean' (Getty Images)

"I just read this and shuddered," Orlean says of her own tweets, but she's probably not alone. "Proud fo day my husband is super embarrassed by me," she quickly adds, followed by "WHO IS SICK AND TIRED OF EVERYTHING" and how "I [email protected] shunned by my family because I am drunk. Yes ok I am fine with that F**K YOU YOU F**KING F**KERS." "I mean SERIOUSLY," she clarifies, also noting "I do r e we. Know who is I my house". Orlean again points out "No one on my house is talking to me right now ok!! YeH whatever I hzte you too", and gets back to the candy cravings. "Going [email protected] check on our recycling bin because," she says first, but soon changes her mind "F**k the recycling. Going to look for candy which I bet doesn’t exists I. This house [email protected]@ Min it"

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The saga finally ends with Orlean noting "We do ha e [email protected] weird candy coated fennel seeds. Is that f**king candy?" She also realizes "[email protected] no idea I made yogurt today. Wow.." Shortly before calling it a night with "Having I f the stupid fennel seed candy because I ha e no options." Make of it what you will, but social media is now convinced that a drunk Orlean is probably all of our spirit animal. And also the most inspirational thing ever. 

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"Susan Orlean's current drunk-tweeting tear is honestly inspirational," wrote entertainment reporter Karen Han. "Susan Orlean's drunk tweets are the collective plaintive cry of all of us in pandemic," claimed columnist Lyz Lenz. While graphic designer Ashley Feinberg shared "Torn between wanting to enjoy Susan Orlean being hammered and getting preemptively mad at the people who will do performative drunk tweets in the weeks to come," Others on Twitter have decided hey "want to party with Susan Orlean."

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Others also shared: "The only thing i care about tonight is Susan Orlean getting drunk and talkin bout horses." Others hopped on the bandwagon to cheerfully troll the writer, sharing "The perfect COVID times novel has been written and it is Susan Orlean’s twitter feed right now." Ben Casselman also noted: "Honestly, drunk Susan Orlean is the best thing to happen in this garbage year and I appreciate her for bringing us all together tonight."

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This is the first drunk tweet from the Orlean show for the night and scroll upwards to treat yourself to the full thing!