'I'll Be Gone In The Dark’ Episode 4: Did Michelle McNamara want another child, why did Patton Oswalt say no?
As Michelle was juggling the dark investigation with her full-time job as a mother, she also thought about how she could give more time to her personal life
More than the serial killer dubbed Golden State Killer, HBO's ‘I'll Be Gone In The Dark’ delves into Michelle McNamara's life and sheds light on the secrets while she was investigating the crime. Perhaps one of her biggest struggles was to balance her motherhood with work and it was often that she looked at her little daughter and adored her.
"How did we make this amazing person? I think about it a lot. We need to remind ourselves every day how lucky we are," she told Patton Oswalt in a text message. "Let's not jinx it!" he immediately replied. The fourth episode titled ‘The Motherlode’ digs deeper into Michelle McNamara's investigation into East Area Rapist's (EAR) real identity as she stumbles upon a room with 37 boxes and over 15,000 files from EAR cases.
But as she was juggling the dark investigation with her full-time job as a mother, she also thought about how she could give more time to her personal life. The one question that the documentary brings to us is: Did Michelle want another child? "My friend who is several months older than me, she is 18 months pregnant Weirdly made me want to have another kid," she confessed in a text to Patton once. "Don't worry I'm not insane," she immediately covered up.
"There could never be another Alice," Patton told her. Disappointed, she asked him, "You're totally against it?" Then he tried to explain: "We got our hands full with this little one, no?" It was then that she expressed her regret. "The cliche is so true. At the end of your life, everyone wishes it had been more about family and love instead of work," she texted him and added, "I just need to reflect on priorities and stuff like that a little more..."
It's sad that she could never really do that as died in her sleep on April 21, 2016. The hour-long episode directed by Myles Kane and Josh Koury ends right at the moment when Patton realized Michelle was not waking up and it has fans asking how it really affected Alice in the long-run.
"Watching every Sunday has reminded me of how much I enjoyed reading the True Crime Diary. It’s strange but I feel like Michelle, whom I never met, is a friend that I lost. I can’t imagine how great the void is for you and Alice. Much love and respect," one fan said and another posted, "#IllBeGoneInTheDark is tonight when we lose Michelle? I'm not ready!" As the next few episodes roll out, we may find out how her family really dealt with her loss and the stress that took her life.
The episode premieres on HBO, Sunday, July 19 at 10 pm ET to 11 pm ET.