'I want my penis back': Detransitioner regrets gender reassignment surgeries, blames 'activist' doctors
![Shape Shifter speaking about his issues and struggles in an interview (YouTube/The Blaire White Project)](http://d2a0gza273xfgz.cloudfront.net/581695/uploads/97e7e4e0-25ec-11ed-8aae-9591f5ab18f6_1200_630.png)
BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS; A detransitioner has spilled beans about his struggles claiming he was made to believe that he was a woman trapped in a male body. The person who goes by the name Shape Shifter also said that he underwent gender reassignment surgery after being “brainwashed” but now he misses a sense of belonging.
The 32-year-old gave an interview to Blaire White, a transgender herself, where he told how removing penis and getting a “neo-vagina” instantly led to depression. He said, “I was happy maybe for a month or two but then got even more depressed after surgery. My neo-vagina started constricting. I thought I was going to spread my legs and get f****d and that never really happened after I gave away my penis.”
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Shape Shifter went on to explain: “I was online telling people how depressed I was. A lot of people thought it was because of the surgery... but I had no energy, I was so lethargic, I had brain fog and no sex drive at all. I then found that all the tranny-chasers stopped following me and I was competing with other women for men.”
He continued, “I just wanted to have my surgery and then blend in and complete my transition. When I started taking testosterone I had no sex drive. I went from enjoying sex to avoiding it. I miss just being an average dude and obsessing over sex, money and my career. It sucked being heteronormative and doing the whole emotional thing. Now I feel like a man trapped in a woman-lookalike body. I will never be able to get my penis back which is extremely traumatic for me. I want it back and I can't. Sex is traumatic for me now because I've had botched surgeries.”
When White questioned Shifter about the difficulties of reversal process to become a man again, he replied, “What they [doctors] don't tell you is because they've labelled them as difficult patients but even beyond that, the one thing they don't tell you is once your first surgery didn't go right and second one didn't go right, after a while nobody wants to touch other surgeons work because they don't want to attach their name to a complicated case. Every time you go in there is more scar tissue and more complications.”
Shifter also clarified that he has no problem presenting himself as a female and look like one, as he said: “I just declared myself to be a woman but when I changed my paperwork or when it was all libbed out and drinking kool-aid and was brainwashed by the trans community. I simply enjoy presenting as feminine and having long hair,” but noted, “Looking back I don't think my mind was able to comprehend what was happening. Even when I was a woman, I only knew what it was like to be a man on estrogen. And now I can't go back to being a traditional man. I will never know what it's like to be a woman, at least biologically.”
Shifter also pointed out the lack of research in this field as he has no idea how the artificial hormones he has to take will affect his body in future. “I'll have to have some kind of hormone in my body so it's going to be estrogen only because if I don't take any hormones, I already have osteoporosis and it will continue to get worse. I went almost seven years without any hormones. The hormones I am taking are similar to what women get during menopause.” he said.
“It's transphobic to say it but after I've been through the system, I 100 percent feel like I was part of some cruel medical and social experiment - except nobody checked in on me. If I'd killed myself I would not have even been included in any statistics. I'm sure they would just write me off as the cause of being some other issue. Moreover, I've spent thousands of dollars. I've traveled across the country and did all the consults trying to get help,” he claimed.
Shifter then went on to accuse doctors for not giving full information before such life changing surgeries because it would be “bad for business”. Pointing fingers at an LGBT health care, research and advocacy organization, called Fenway Health, in his case, he said: “One of the biggest mistakes is because I went to Fenway Health. A lot of their staff is LGBT and one of my therapists was trans as far as I know. Initially I thought it was good because she would understand me but now looking back she was biased. You know it's kind of an activist hospital in a way.”
“I feel like my life would have been better and more productive if over the last 10 years I spent expanding definition of what it is to be a man instead of trying to just blend in like society wants and trying to be a heteronormative woman. I don't really know what the future holds. But we need to go back to the science lab to work out what true trans is. Do you want to be on hormones or have surgery? I f****d up my life, I could have been so much more,” Shifter concluded.