End-of-life caregivers reveal most heartbreaking last words patients say in their final moments
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA: Who could have predicted what a person would say on their final journey? Reportedly, patients' last words on their deathbed are usually heartbreaking expressions of love and grief. End-of-life caregivers say patients generally fall into one of two categories. Dr Mina Chang, a palliative care physician in the San Francisco Bay Area, reports that the most common statement from patients is, "I have no regrets. "However, according to hospice nurse Julie McFadden, older people often regret that they no longer appreciate life, that they have grown apart from loved ones, or that they work too much.
The final words of the revered and much-quoted Steve Jobs were revealed in his sister Mona Simpson's eulogy of him, nearly a month after the 56-year-old Apple co-founder died on October 5, 2011. Jobs left this world with a wistful look at his family and a simple but enigmatic comment, "Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh wow." Simpson said, "His tone was affectionate, dear, loving, but like someone whose luggage was already strapped onto the vehicle, who was already on the beginning of his journey, even as he was sorry, really deeply sorry, to be leaving us," reports The New York Times.
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What did nurse Julie McFadden say?
Julie McFadden, a hospice nurse, says older people often feel remorse because they take their lives for granted, are estranged from family or work too much. She claims people often call out for their mother or father, even if they died long ago, or for a former lover they have not seen in years, according to Daily Mail.
What did Dr Mina Chang say?
"They will sometimes say words like, 'I am ready,' or, 'I have no regrets.'" said Dr Chang, who leads the Hospice Medicine Council at the American Academy of Hospice and Palliative Medicine. She added, "We often support the relationships between patients and their loved ones. We might [hear] words such as 'Thank you,' "I love you,' 'I forgive you,' 'Please forgive me,' or 'Good-bye.'" Mina Chang further went on and mentioned, "Being with and supporting patients toward the end of their life is a very special moment. They invite you into their journey even as this life comes to an end. When we are lucky, we may be a part of the moment when a patient feels ready to end this chapter of their life."
Who is hospice nurse Julie McFadden?
Julie McFadden, a licensed nurse from Los Angeles, California, has been a nurse for more than 15 years and has worked in hospice care for more than seven years. She began sharing her skills and experience on TikTok, where she has amassed over 1.2 million followers and 12.4 million likes for talking about what happens at the end of life. She began making videos to publish on social platforms in order to enlighten her fans about death and dying.
Most frequent phrase people say before dying is 'I love you'
Hospice care is a sort of medical care that focuses on easing the pain and suffering of terminally ill patients and meeting their emotional and spiritual needs as they approach the end of their lives. The most frequent phrase people use just before they die is "I love you," and they frequently call out to their mother or father, who have usually already passed away, as per McFadden, who frequently deals with death as part of her employment.
McFadden said, "It's not usually at their last breath. A lot of people think it's like the movies — a dramatic, last proclamation of something they've always regretted or something they always wanted everyone to know. It's not really like that." She added, "Speaking with people daily who are dying, the biggest thing is not appreciating their health. We take a lot of things for granted — being able to see being able to eat, swallow, walk, live completely pain free. A lot of people say they didn't appreciate that and they wish they would have." She continued, "People also say they 'wish they didn't work their life away' and women in particular 'talk about dieting, [and regret] worrying about what their body looked like, or not eating this or not eating that because of diets and trying to look a certain way."
'Why didn't I say I'm sorry sooner?'
People frequently lament "not expressing themselves to their families or their loved ones" as they near the end of their lives. When someone gets into a heated argument, they often lament, "Why didn't I say I'm sorry sooner? Why didn't we rekindle things sooner?" "Now that they're faced with their own mortality while dying, they think about their parents death. And they'll say, 'I never asked them, what was their favorite childhood memory?"' She added, "She added, 'It just makes them think about people they've lost and what they want to do differently now that they're dying, and how they want to tell their children or their family. And then if they are estranged from them, they'll regret that they waited so long to reconnect, if they ever do."
The perfect words, however, are not always easy to find. McFadden stated, "A lot of times at the end of life, people won't even address that, because people are so in denial that they won't even want to talk about things like regrets... They're not always thinking about that stuff because they're trying to not think about it. It depends on the person." She added, "Most people aren't speaking their last breath, but if they are, or close to it, it's usually 'I love you.' It's usually, 'It's okay,' like they're comforting somebody else, or things like 'I'm ready.'"
'People are kind of like babies'
People occasionally act in a childlike way again. McFadden stated, "A lot of people will say their parents' names. Or they'll say 'mom' or 'dad', or the name of an ex-husband who is dead already. If they do say something close to death, it's usually brief and short and quiet. It's hard to actually talk." According to her, crying out to deceased family members may have something to do with parents being "a source of comfort." She stated, "I always talk about death being like birth. People are kind of like babies."
McFadden once shared in one of her videos about natural deaths. In the caption, she wrote, "Witnessing a natural death feels like witnessing a birth. Beautiful, and Sacred. It’s like, for a moment, you get touched by the Divine."
McFadden has engaged in some noteworthy conversations with patients. She told DailyMail, "One lady, we really connected. She said to me, 'I've been a Christian my whole life, and I still don't know what it's gonna be like to die, am I just going to close my eyes and open them and see God?" "Of course, I don't know." She added, "And she just laughed and laughed, and then I laughed too. And she goes, 'Well, I guess I'll find out.' And I was like, 'I guess you will.'" Another time, she was almost startled when a man reached up and caught her arm. "He was in bed and he looked like he was actively dying, which means very close to death. She revealed, "And he flung up in bed and grabbed my arm and goes, 'I'm dying baby!' and then leaned back and died." She continued, "He was okay, he was peaceful. It wasn't like he was scared, he was just announcing it."
What did Dr Simran Malhotra say?
According to Dr Simran Malhotra, a palliative care doctor, a patient's final words frequently vary depending on their age. She stated, "My elderly patients will often share things like 'I'm at peace' or 'I've lived a good life', whereas for my younger patients... it really comes down to like 'I'm not ready to die, I have so much more living to do'".
Malhotra continued by saying that in the closing moments, even seemingly insignificant gestures like saying "I'm sorry" and conveying love and forgiveness can be crucial. She said, "These are some of the most meaningful words, when said with intention, that we can share with someone that we love."