'No one saw this coming': Allison Holker opens up about husband Stephen 'tWitch' Boss' suicide in emotional TV interview
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA: Allison Holker, the widow of Stephen "tWitch" Boss, spoke emotionally in her first TV interview about the shock of her husband's suicide and how she, along with their three children, is coping with the loss. Allison shared insights into her husband's mental health struggles and revealed how tWitch always tried to be strong for everyone, leaving him scared to ask for help.
Allison, who married tWitch in 2013, expressed regret that she didn't anticipate her husband's suicide and shared how it pains her to know that he was always there for her and their children while struggling in secret. The couple had three kids together — Weslie, 14, Maddox, 6, and Zaia, 3. Sitting down in an interview with the Today show, Allison shared, "He wanted to be the strong one for everyone and I think it was a little scary for him to think that he might need to ask for help."
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'Breaks my heart'
"I still feel like I'm like the rest of the world, where I'm still shocked," she said. "No one's ready for that moment and there's no one that saw this coming. No one. And that also breaks my heart too. But I feel so sad that he was so there and we weren't in the knowing. He could hold so much for people and I do think it was hard for him to process that at the end." During the interview, when asked about how she remained so strong, Allison shared that she doesn't have any other choice, especially when she is around their children. "It's all for them, I don't really have any other choice but to be strong," she said, before admitting, "They still see me have my highs and lows because there's a lot of it."
'Our love was magical'
Allison shared that she still communicates with her late husband every night, and encourages her children to do the same because she believes that "communication is key." "I talk to him every night. And it's different every night, sometimes it's just like, 'I took the kids to school'. Sometimes it's deeper, a little bit heavy," she explained. "If I'm feeling this much pain it's because I've had so much love. It's honestly something I wouldn't wish for anybody. It's really hard. But if I've learned anything, it's that communication is key."
She recalled her young children asking her, "When is daddy coming back?" and, "Is daddy coming back when he's older?" as she replied, "To us, Daddy is in the stars, so we can go outside and talk to him whenever we want." Allison is still mourning her husband's death, whom she described as a "magical" person, but she is trying to focus on the amazing memories they created during their 13-year relationship. She stated that she recognizes the pain she is feeling now as a sign of just how much love they had between them. "Our love was magical and it was so real and I think that's the hardest part about all of this," she explained. "The way we loved was so big and I got 13 years with one of the most magical humans. I learned so much about love and gratitude."