'To Kid or Not to Kid' sees Maxine Trump trace her journey from ‘childless’ to ‘childfree’ in a world where it is still frowned upon
The decision to not have children is a deeply personal one. Yet, everyone feels a need to offer their opinions on the matter. Families guilt women into having progenies to carry the name forward.
Strangers on the internet call you selfish. Religious bigots deem it selfish. But no one seems to consider the person who has to not just carry the fetus inside her body for nine months but also has to raise them.
She has to defer her dreams and plans. She has to take responsibility. A new documentary called 'To Kid or Not to Kid' takes a hard look at this subject. The film opens with director Maxine Trump (no relation to the U.S. president) shooting a close-up of her own scarred abdomen -- a result of operations in her womb that would, per her doctors, likely cause several miscarriages in the event she chose to conceive.
The documentary deals with Trump’s dilemma; the decision of whether she wants to have children or not. Trump, who worked for the BBC in London for seven years as a development executive for scripted comedy before emigrating to the U.S. and working as a TV commercial director and producer for eight years, tries to deal with an extremely complex subject.
She speaks to her mother, her husband, her acquaintances, new mothers and even women who have chosen not to reproduce ever. Her film, as per her, aims to dispel the myth that living childfree is weird, selfish or somehow wrong.
Trump, as it turns out, did not initially plan on making a personal documentary. Speaking to Filmmaker magazine, she said, “My film’s running time was also a result of another piece of feedback -- feedback that fundamentally shaped the film. In early test screenings, in versions in which I focused less on my personal struggle with motherhood, viewers felt I was holding back, that I wasn’t being as honest as I could be. I hadn’t intended to make a personal documentary, but the more of this feedback I received, the more I felt the film wouldn’t be emotionally true unless I pointed the camera at myself. After all, so many of us are making films to make sense of the world, and for ourselves as much as the audience.”
Besides focusing on her own decision, Trump’s film also largely focuses on Megan, a 25-year-old British woman fighting to have a sterilization procedure. Megan’s decision, a firm one, comes with a tonne of societal stigma and judgment.
She tells Trump that while a doctor had said yes to the procedure on the condition she lost weight -- a concern that arises not out of possible complications arising out of the surgery but for one that would help Megan consider in vitro fertilization, should she change her mind. Megan, of course, has already stated she would rather die on the operation table than have a child.
“My biggest fear is regret,” says Trump in the documentary. She ruminates on the idea of what if she regrets having a child. Victoria Elder, a woman Trump speaks with, in the course of the film, resonates with her sentiments.
A middle-aged woman with a daughter, Elder talked about the moment she gave birth -- it was filled with wonder but also immediately with the realization that she may have made a mistake and she did not know who she could talk to about it.
There are ample reasons to not want children. It can be because resources are running out. It can be because the world is already too crowded. It can be because the world is a bad place. It can be because one doesn’t like children. But what Trump asks in her film, is why anyone should have to justify such a personal decision.
Running for an hour and 15 minutes, the film meanders from time to time. But where it faults in the arbitrary concept of structure, it succeeds in bringing this supposedly taboo conversation to the forefront.
The film ends with Trump as a keynote speaker at a conference. Throughout the film she tries to understand her decision, concentrating upon her actions and thoughts that may be perceived contrary to her belief.
But now she has reached a conclusion. She tells the audience she used to call herself “childless”, but now she is proud to come out into the open as “childfree”.
“This is just my story. One white straight woman’s story. If we hear about other people’s journeys, it’ll encourage us to talk about our decisions,” says Trump. “Openly, and without fear of judgment.”
'To Kid or Not to Kid' will open in limited theaters in New York and Los Angeles November 15. It will be open for video-on-demand on December 3 on iTunes and Amazon.