'The Dr Phil Show' sees couple’s relationship turn toxic after 10-year blame game regarding accidental death of 11-month-old
On Monday’s episode of ‘The Dr. Phil Show’, host Phil McGraw brought to his viewers the story of Jaclin, who claims she has been living a nightmare since she lost her 11-month-old daughter, Madalin, ten years ago, when she accidentally suffocated while sleeping in the same bed with Jaclin and her boyfriend, Justin. The incident took place in 2009 while they were sleeping with the baby on a leaky air mattress.
For Jaclin and Justin, things have only gone downhill since the death -- they say their relationship has completely deteriorated into fighting, finger-pointing, and infidelity. Even though Jaclin and Justin have two other children, an eight-year-old daughter, and a 16-month-old son, Justin claims, “Jaclin’s behavior has been erratic and out of control.”
According to Jaclin, “Justin blamed me and I blamed him. We would say things like ‘I did not roll over. You had her last’... When things got tough, Justin’s solution was always to run away.”
She added, “When Justin left, I was so angry. I broke the cabinets, pulled up the carpets, punched holes in the walls, shattered the mirrors… I have changed as a person. I’m constantly angry.”
But Jaclin also blames herself. “It’s disgusting. I’m disgusting. What type of mother sleeps through that?” she asked. “I let her down. She’d be here if I knew the dangers of co-sleeping. If I made better choices, if I wasn’t a teen mom, my daughter would physically be here. If I did adoption – if I did any other way – she’d be here. I’m at fault for that.”
Obviously, their friction has resulted in a toxic relationship. “We do nothing but fight, and it’s always a constant battle which I don’t want to be around. It’s unhealthy,” sighed Justin.
According to American blogger and philanthropist Heather Spohr, “The death of a child completely shatters you. You're the same people, but at the same time, you're really not. Everyone changes throughout the course of a marriage, but it's rarely so sudden and complete. So you have to get to know each other again in one of the most harrowing circumstances imaginable.”
She added in her HuffPost piece, “No two people grieve the same, even when they're grieving the same loss,” adding, “Sometimes you resent your partner for bringing you down when you're having a good day. Sometimes, you feel guilty for bringing your partner down.”
While Dr. Phil advised the couple to work on their respective issues and try and forgive each other, one can only wonder if the damage done is too much. 'Dr. Phil' airs weekdays on various stations at 3 p.m. ET.