'I was still in love with him': Monica Lewinsky contemplated suicide when her affair with Bill Clinton was first exposed

The former White House intern, in an article in June 2015, had first written that 'the shame, the scorn, and the fear' put her in a dark place.


                            'I was still in love with him': Monica Lewinsky contemplated suicide when her affair with Bill Clinton was first exposed

Monica Lewinsky has made multiple new revelations in her sensational docuseries 'The Clinton Affairs', which also throws light on her first public disclosure of how she had considered suicide after her affair with former President Bill Clinton. The former White House intern, in an article in June 2015, had first written that "the shame, the scorn, and the fear" put her in a dark place where she was considering taking her own life.

The A&E docuseries 'The Clinton Affair' premieres on November 18 at 9 pm and MEAWW was given early access to the rivetting show.

"I have never actually attempted suicide, but I had strong suicidal temptations several times during the investigations and during one or two periods after," she had written in the article years ago. Although Lewinsky said that her relationship with Clinton was consensual, she also said that she was beginning to reconsider that notion based on power imbalances and "the ability to abuse them."

In her latest article, in the wake of the docuseries, Lewinsky on Tuesday wrote an essay slamming Clinton earlier this year for stating that he did not feel like he owed a personal apology to her. "What feels more important to me than whether I am owed or deserving of a personal apology is my belief that Bill Clinton should want to apologize,” Lewinsky wrote. “I’m less disappointed by him, and more disappointed for him. He would be a better man for it ... and we, in turn, a better society.”



 

Lewinsky, in her latest piece, also explained why she decided to participate in the A&E’s docu-series about her affair despite being largely silent about it in recent years. “One main reason: because I could,” she wrote. “Throughout history, women have been traduced and silenced. Now, it’s our time to tell our own stories in our own words.”

Lewinsky's sexual encounter with Clinton occurred when she was a 22-year-old intern at the White House in November of 1995. Clinton was 49 years of age at the time. The news of the duo's affair, however, broke in January 1998, which sparked federal investigations and an onslaught of media attention.

A photograph showing former White House intern Monica Lewinsky meeting President Bill Clinton at a White House function submitted as evidence in documents by the Starr investigation and released by the House Judicary committee September 21, 1998.
A photograph showing former White House intern Monica Lewinsky meeting President Bill Clinton at a White House function submitted as evidence in documents by the Starr investigation and released by the House Judicary committee September 21, 1998.

Lewinsky, in 'The Clinton Affair', reveals: “There was a point for me ... where I would be hysterically crying and then I would just shut down. And in the shutdown period, I remember looking out the window and thinking that the only way to fix this was to kill myself, was to jump out the window.”

“I just ― I felt terrible. I was scared,” she said, breaking down in tears. “And I was mortified and afraid of what this was going to do to my family. I still was in love with Bill at the time so I felt really responsible," she added. The A&E docuseries The Clinton Affair premieres on November 18 at 9 pm.