'Riverdale' Season 4 Episode 7 review: 'The Ice Storm' is definitely a bland turkey and barring some manic mayhem, this chapter's worth skipping
Watch out for the storyline that would have worked if it was titled 'Survival of the Fittest ft. The Blossoms.
Sometimes it's hard to review a series like 'Riverdale'. Mysterious, dark, sexy, funny, weird, emotional, utter balderdash, criminal, subversive...the list can go on and for someone who watches shows and reviews them for a living, this one's hard. 'Chapter Sixty-Four: The Ice Storm' is a proper Thanksgiving episode. There's cannibalism (wait, what?) there are hookups (not surprised now) and Riverdale's very own Al Capone (you know who we are talking about) is now Mayor. Our prayers are with you, Riverdale citizens.
Perhaps, the only sane storyline is the one where Mary Andrews (Molly Ringwald) and Archie (KJ Apa) talk about how much they miss Fred (the late Luke Perry) for Thanksgiving and the son's earnest attempts to be his father in every step of the way. And now for the typical Riverdale part, the Blossoms are a whacky and demented lot. First, Toni Topaz (Vanessa Morgan) tonks Uncle Bedford to death, but now is freaking out since Aunt Cricket is keeping a hawk eye on their every move.
Trust Cheryl Blossom to come up with a plan when she hosts what is truly a gory, disturbing, Thistlehouse Thanksgiving (trust us y'all, there's every reason to say grace now) and scares off Cricket with a survival of the fittest ft. Blossoms story. They spin this outlandish yarn that the meat pies are made of Uncle Bedford's body and well, it's actually lamb, the unc is resting at the bottom of Sweetwater River. And, since we're talking of bodies, that awful Jason Blossom corpse is still at home. If all this doesn't scare aunt Cricket, then what will?
In general, this is one series where it gets bloody confusing as far as affairs go. No one knows who's sleeping with who and this time, we're treated to a double date that has FP (Skeet Ulrich), Alice (Madchen Amick), Hermoine (Marisol Nichols) and Hiram (Mark Consuelos) at Pop's. Hard to see a criminal couple, a journo and a former gang leader-turned cop breaking bread at the same table. H & H are out there as Veronica (Camila Mendes) throws them out, or should we say, the entire family meal?
Well, old rivalries aren't done with as Hiram and FP get into a scrimmage after exchanging pleasantries and a couple of good thoughts on Fred. So now there's a new argument: If a man can be mob boss and Mayor, can FP be cop and a gang leader? We don't know, man. You tell us. Also, we don't know if the law lets ya do that, FP.
Over to the investigative couple of the year. Betty (Lili Reinhart) decides to spend the night with Jug (Cole Sprouse) only for Brett and Donna to sneak up on the couple wearing masks and axes. Dude, try that in Riverdale and people will kill you! (Trust us, we know what's happening there. We sat through seasons 2 and 3) Again, the sanity sprinkle gives us a clue about Mr. Chipping's death. It's revealed Donna and the teacher were having an affair and she planned to unmask him when a lover's spat went all wrong, so he jumped to his death. However, Forysthe Holmes aka Jug isn't entirely convinced.
Archie tried to do a Fred. Sorry kid, no cigar. To skim through what happened to Red, Dodger's family come hunting for him and are aghast to see a kid. (well what'd y'all expect? Batman? or Pureheart? Grow up now) A bit of a showdown sees Mary brandish a gun while Veronica puts the cutlery to good use (she sticks a carving knife into a dude's palm) Plus, the deep fryer with the turkey inside explodes (Erm.. I didn't know you could deep fry a turkey. But then, kids, don't try this at home) BTW. Dodger escapes town.
So 'Riverdale's Thanksgiving episode is a bland turkey. And I like mine with some flavor. There are certain plot tidbits that work, but there's lack of spice in this one. Well, this one's not exactly one of my favorite episodes, but then it's 'Riverdale.'
'Riverdale' Season 4 airs Wednesdays at 8 pm on The CW.