Young mother's touching letter to daughter she lost to miscarriage strikes a chord with parents

31-year-old Phoebe Shields went through a miscarriage before she gave birth to her son last year and this left her with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

Young mother's touching letter to daughter she lost to miscarriage strikes a chord with parents

A young mother-of-one has written a touching letter to the daughter whom she lost to miscarriage. Phoebe Shields' emotional letter, which she wrote on her blog, tugged at the heartstrings of thousands of other parents who have suffered the pains of miscarriage and stillbirth; and many of them reached out to her.

Shields, 31, suffered a miscarriage before she had a son last year and this left her with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The mother from Brisbane, Australia addressed the letter to the "darling I lost to miscarriage".

"We never did get to meet properly did we? And yet, we were together for every moment of your life. You slipped away from me, quickly and quietly, without making an impression on the world. No one even knew you were there, except your daddy and I. But you should know that you were loved. I like to think that you know that already," she writes in the letter.

Shields, who has worked as both a nurse and in communications, describes the agony of letting go of someone she had "made a space for in my heart."


 

A LETTER TO THE CHILD I LOST TO MISCARRIAGE My darling, We never did get to meet properly did we? And yet, we were together for every moment of your life. You slipped away from me, quickly and quietly, without making an impression on the world. No one even knew you were there, except your daddy and I. But you should know that you were loved. I like to think that you know that already. Some would say that you were barely there long enough to make any great impression on me. But the thing is, even in such a short space of time, I made a space for you in my heart. Even before you were conceived. As soon as we knew we wanted you, subconsciously, I started clearing some room. I discovered that it wasn’t hard to make a spot for you. My heart effortlessly stretched to make room. It seemed that, almost overnight, I had this special space in my heart, just for you. But now that space is empty. I have tried for years now to fill the hole you left. I thought, perhaps, when your brother was born he would take that space. But when he was conceived, my heart grew and created a special spot just for him, and yours was left untouched. Now my days are filled with the normal ups and downs of motherhood. My heart and mind are often consumed with loving and caring for your brother. The empty space you left is no longer at the forefront of my mind. But sometimes, when it is quiet and the house is still, that empty space in my heart echoes so loudly that it can’t be ignored .The hollow grief washes over me once more and I am stunned with the intensity of its power. I have found that it is better not to fight these moments. Instead, I sit quietly and think of you and what might have been. I have accepted that it is ok to still feel sad about what we lost. It seems that no matter what happens, or how much time passes, I cannot fill that void that you left. So I have decided that I will leave that space in my heart exactly where it is. I will stop trying to fill it with other things or pretending it isn’t there. It is your space and I am going to leave it just for you. I will carry you there always, in that space, in my heart. Love Mummy

A post shared by Phoebe Shields (@shieldsphoebe) on


"Even before you were conceived; as soon as we knew we wanted you, subconsciously, I started clearing some room. I discovered that it wasn't hard to make a spot for you. My heart effortlessly stretched to make room. But now that space is empty," she wrote.

Shields goes on to add that even the birth of her son later has not managed to "fill the hole you left."

"I thought, perhaps, when your brother was born, he would take that space. But when he was conceived, my heart grew and created a special spot for him, and yours was left untouched." 

Even though her days are now "filled with the normal ups and downs of motherhood", the "empty space in my heart echoes so loudly that it can't be ignored".

"I have found that it is better not to fight these moments. Instead, I sit quietly and think of you and what might have been. So I have decided that I will leave that space in my heart exactly where it is. I will stop trying to fill it with other things or pretending it isn't there."

"It is your space and I am going to leave it just for you. I will carry you there always, in that space, in my heart," she concluded.

Many readers have thanked Shields for her sensitivity while talking about her traumatic experience.

Shields shares all of her experiences that she goes through with motherhood on her blog and her Instagram page which she manages along with Sally Foster, her friend.