'Money Plane' Review: Adam Copeland's perfect ponytail remains more in place than the yawnfest of a plot
'Money Plane' is a story about the dullest heist in existence and this yawnfest of a heist film isn't worth spending time on
There are good films. There are bad films. And then there is 'Money Plane'.
If there was a competition on the laziest and shoddiest film ever made, 'Money Plane' would win hands down. It's as if filmmaker Andrew Lawrence had a LOT of free time on his hands and decided to sneeze out this film on his keyboard. But let's not be too harsh, because to be honest, if you're looking for that perfect evening to unwind with your friends and copious amounts of alcohol and you're wondering what film should you watch that doesn't require any mental gymnastics, then 'Money Plane' is the perfect fit for this occasion. See, there's a silver lining in everything.
Cut to the plot...if there is any. After 1.5 hours of watching this, the premise gets obliterated from memory. Nevertheless, here's a try. Jack Reese (played by a stiff Adam Copeland) is your every-day ponytailed family guy, who does questionable things on the side, but for the sake of his family. He is hired to steal a priceless painting and of course, the mission goes strangely awry and he barely manages to escape. Cigar-puffing Darius 'Rumble' Grouch (Kelsey Grammer) needs Jack's services and claims that he has leverage over him. He wants Jack to rob the Money Plane, a sleazy airborne casino. A lot of profanities, enough to make your ears bleed, are exchanged to emphasize how serious he is about this.
Jack and his squad are entrusted with some supercool gear and new identities. And then the dullest plane ride you've ever taken begins. After pretending to be a human trafficker, Jack fights his way into the cockpit and his fellow passengers couldn't care less about his absence. Jack's gang of friends consists of Trey (Patrick Lamont Jr), your stereotypical techie geek and the hot but tough-as-nails Isabella (Katrina Norman), who is posing as a flight attendant.
To be fair, Isabella has a little more personality than the rest of her crew, but of course, she is made to use her sexuality to enchant the evil men before killing them...in scenes that's almost disturbing to watch. The evil men are more than happy to grope her and then she kicks them where it hurts. No doubt Lawrence thought that he was empowering the female character here, by making her pack a punch. *Sigh*, why is it so glaringly obvious when male directors write a female character for television shows and films? Not to forget, since the director forgot Denise Richards who plays Jack's wife. She was barely there, at the beginning and at the end. She was just the wife who had no clue what her husband was up to.
So that's the gist. Even the actors seemed to have lost interest halfway through the film and it's as if Copeland is itching to just give someone a body slam and be done with it. There's enough lechery to go around, with a little bloody action along with staid and vague dialogues that seemed to be read off a teleprompter. There's a particular cringefest of a dialogue when this shady arms dealer Ivan Vitali (Aleksander Vayshelboym) tells Trey that if more Black people bought guns, fewer of them would be forced into slavery.
'Money Plane' is probably the dullest heist in existence, and the only question you have at end of the film is, how Copeland gets his hair into such a perfect ponytail and how it stays put despite the grueling action.
You can miss this flight. But if you're an enemy to yourself then you will be pleased with the knowledge that it has been released on VOD.