'It was the saddest moment of my life': Mel B opens up about her 2014 suicide attempt in her memoir 'Brutally Honest'
The pop singer attempted suicide by swallowing close to 200 aspirin pills following a low-point in her life because of her unraveling marriage.
'Spice Girl' Mel B has revealed some intensely personal information in her new memoir ‘Brutally Honest'. At a particularly low point in her life, while navigating a difficult marriage with her husband Stephen Belafonte, Mel attempted suicide. In March 2017, Mel filed for divorce from Stephen, to whom she had been married for 10 years.
ET Canada reports that in an excerpt published from the book, Mel discussed how suicide seemed like the only option left for her. She swallowed a dozen aspirin pills in the hope that it would free her from her pain. She describes the incident, which took place in December 2014 when she was scheduled to attend the red carpet launch for the final weekend of “The X Factor” in London, saying, “I’ll be wearing a beautiful dress, my hair and make-up will be perfect. But if you want the absolute truth, I don’t care about any of it. My life is a mess and I want out,” It was after this that she proceeded to take an unhealthy amount of pills.
“As each pill goes into my mouth, I ask myself: ‘Are you sure?’ And I take another one. Ten, 20, 50, 100. ‘Are you sure?’”. “One hundred and 20. ‘Are you sure?’ 150. Are you sure?’” she writes of the traumatic incident. Her state of mind at the time was in shambles, she was unable to reconcile with the fact that her husband who had sworn to love and protect her had caused her so much pain and suffering. “Behind the glitter of fame, I felt emotionally battered, estranged from my family. I felt ugly and detested by the very man who once promised to love and protect me, my husband and manager Stephen,” she recounts. During this time, Mel claimed that Stephen was threatening to destroy her career by releasing sex tapes he'd filmed of her.
While attempting to take her life, Mel began writing “frantic, disjointed notes” to her elder daughter Phoenix. She realized, just as she was about to take the 200th pill, that she was going down a dark path she might never return from. “I knew I didn’t want to go anywhere,” she writes. “Suicide was not the answer. I had to make my life count. I had to get to a hospital. I had to get those pills out of my stomach before anything happened.” While trying to open the bathroom door, she ended up with bruises on her face which were visible on her next appearance on the 'X-Factor.'
“I can still remember the fear, panic and absolute confusion in my head,” she recalls. Having blacked out from the physical and mental toll the suicide attempt took on her, the next thing Mel remembers is waking up in the hospital surrounded by doctors and her daughter, Phoenix. “It was the saddest moment of my life,” she wrote in the book. “Looking at my daughter — distraught, devastated, angry — was the moment I knew the fightback had to start.” Mel's hospitalization at the time was reported in the press but the reports said that she was treated for a suspected stomach ulcer.
Mel B has managed to get back on her feet and rebuild her life post her traumatic marriage and difficult past. She's all set for the 'Spice Girls' reunion tour in 2019 and is looking forward to a happier, brighter future.