Bill Clinton had oral sex with Monica Lewinsky to ease pressures of the job: 'I did it to manage my anxieties'
The revelation was made by the former US president in an explosive Hulu documentary titled 'Hillary'
Former President Bill Clinton has claimed that his infamous affair with then-White House intern Monica Lewinsky was one of the things he did "to manage my anxieties." The revelation was made in an explosive Hulu documentary titled 'Hillary," where the former president revealed that he engaged in an affair with Lewinsky to take his mind off other issues.
The Democrat said that when he met Lewinsky he was feeling the pressure of the job which made him feel like a boxer who had done at least 30 rounds and he looked at his White House intern as "something that will take your mind off it for a while."
The film also reveals the impact the news had on Hillary and Chelsea and how the couple underwent "painful" marriage counseling in the aftermath of the scandal.
Bill, in the film, offered an apology to Lewinsky, saying he felt "terrible" that her life was defined by their affair. He added that when things do not return to normal after some point "you've got to decide how to define normal."
The Lewinsky affair scandal led to Clinton's impeachment in 1998, however, he survived the trial in the Senate and remained in office during his second term. Bill's previous discussion about the scandal, in 2018, drew widespread backlash as he said that he did not owe Lewinsky a private apology.
Hillary, a four-part series features accounts of the former first lady and former secretary of state's private and personal lives from her inner circle. The film pans from her school days till her 2016 presidential election loss against Donald Trump.
Bill revealed intrinsic details of the couple's life in the film, appearing emotional at times as he talked about the moment he finally broke the news of his affair to Hillary. He was forced to tell her the news in 1998 when it became clear that he had lied to a grand jury probing his personal affairs by denying he was sexually engaged with Lewinsky. He had also denied it to Hillary who believed him.
"I went and sat on the bed and talked to her," he said. "I told her exactly what happened when it happened. I said I feel terrible about it. We've been through quite a bit in the last few years. I said I have no defense, it's inexcusable what I did."
Hillary, in the film, revealed that she was devastated by the news. "I was just devastated. I could not believe it. I was so personally just hurt and I can't believe this, I can't believe you lied," she said. Hillary told Bill that he had to be the one breaking the news to their daughter Chelsea, who was 18 at the time. Telling Chelsea about his affair was worse than tell his wife, Bill recalled, saying it was "awful."
When asked why he risked his ties with his family, marriage, and country, the former president said that he was not thinking about those things when he engaged in the affair.
"You feel like you're staggering around, you've been in a 15 round prize fight that was extended to 30 rounds and here's something that will take your mind off it for a while, that's what happens," he said. "Because there, whatever life - not just me. Everybody's life has pressures and disappointments, terrors, fears of whatever. Things I did to manage my anxieties for years. I'm a different, totally different person than I was, a lot of that stuff that happened 20 years ago."
"Maybe it's just getting older but I hope it was also going through a lot of this," he added. "But whatever, what I did was bad but it wasn't like - how can I think about the most stupid thing I could and do it. It's not a defense, it's an explanation. I feel awful."
Their daughter Chelsea bridged the widening gap between the two during the turbulent times. The family, after the explosive revelation, decided to go to Martha's Vineyard for a vacation and when they came back to the White House, Hillary had decided to stand by Bill. Chelsea, on their helicopter ride, took both of their hands and led them together. "When she did that, oh my gosh, I thought that's just so incredible, so strong and so wise," an emotional Hillary said in the film.
Hulu's documentary 'Hillary' premieres Friday night.