'We Are Who We Are' Finale: Caitlin and Fraser kiss as they finally find each other in the 'gaze' of the other
Spoilers for 'We Are Who We Are' Finale Episode
With the finale clicking into place, the message the creators of the show wanted to get across comes loud and clear. In some ways, it extends the message of 'Call Me By Your Name'. The movie was about falling in love with a person – who they were in their core essence – rather than outward signifiers like gender or even age.
In the show, we are hit by the revelation that 'who we are' is defined by the gaze of the beloved. We are recognized and find ourselves in the gaze of the one who loves us and vice versa. By throwing off rigid definitions of who Fraser or Caitlin are, we appreciate when they finally connect romantically in the last few minutes of the show. But before that sweet moment of recognition and love, comes a lot of tiny heartbreaks and trauma.
At the start of the episode, the rift between the families of Caitlin and Fraser is complete. The Poythress household is packing up. As Danny, Jenny, and Richard squabble over the last minute preparations, cartons crowding every inch, Caitlin is in mourning. Fraser's window always has its blinds drawn and he is in lock-down and it is obvious she hasn't seen him in weeks. It is in this moment of abandonment when Britney comes in and as they cozy up in bed, Britney kisses her. "It's always been you," she says and asks if Caitlin likes her too. Caitlin kisses her back but also realizes that what she feels for Britney is what she would feel toward a friend. She likes her very much but doesn't love her. This incident in some way also goes toward concretizing what she feels for Fraser, who she also thinks of as a friend, but there is a deeper, more elemental quality to their connection. As Craig had once told Sam, they are soulmates, with or without a sexual connection.
The alarm for the 'Blood Orange' concert goes off on Caitlin's phone and Fraser messages her to look at his window. There is a sign taped up, "Come to the checkpoint". At first, Caitlin having been ignored by Fraser is angry enough to pull shut her own shades in response. But it is her last day and her pull to Fraser and the prospect of sharing an experience of meaning with him is too much. They both sneak out of their houses, and so begins the adventure that they will remember all their lives.
As they ride trains together, there is a wonderful moment where they share the connected earpods, their heads touching, as they mouth the lines together of their favorite song 'Time Will Tell' by Blood Orange. They soak in each other's presence. But while Caitlin understands the importance of this connection in her life Fraser does not. In some ways, we realize it is his defense mechanism. Since he is uprooted so often by his mother from familiar connections and people, he spreads his attention around. We also realize that his idealized relationship with "Mark" was fiction – a one-way fascination with a person in his New York school on which he built an imaginary relationship. He doesn't realize that his connection with Caitlin is the "real version" of that imaginary relationship and cozies up with a boy his age, leaving Caitlin alone at the concert. Caitlin herself catches the eye of the sexy girl bartender who takes her backstage and kisses her and seems to welcome her "FTM" transgender identity.
But at that moment, Caitlin realizes that this is not what she wants. She goes to the bathroom washing off her fake beard and crying because she has a revelation that identity is constantly shifting. She has a pronounced masculine aspect to her, but this does not necessarily mean she wants to become a man or is attracted to girls. She wants her masculine aspect to be recognized but without the labels put on her by her father or even by Col Sarah Wilson. She instead asks for what Fraser sees in her. Abandoned by him, she goes to the train station in a huff to get back home.
Fraser, true to his butterfly nature, goes off with his new acquaintance who takes him around town and they kiss. When Fraser asks him if he had kissed a boy before, he replies that he hadn't but he always likes tongue. Fraser laughs but it also gets him to reconsider what he feels attracted to or likes. Just like Caitlin experimenting with gender, Fraser has been experimenting with his sexuality. He is attracted to masculine characteristics, which manifests as a fascination for men and their bodies. It is also why he is drawn to Caitlin as her "Harper" persona.
So just like Caitlin has her realization, Fraser has his own – when he realizes he wants to share the 'most beautiful place on earth' with Caitlin, not some random boy he met just hours ago. He runs to the train station and drags her to the spot among the arches where they kiss. Caitlin's masculine essence and Fraser's feminine essence are finally united as they 'see' each other and are defined by each others' gaze. Even though it looks like a heterosexual pairing from the outside, it is queer on the inside.
In some ways, it shatters labels and the importance we ascribe to identity in a refreshing way, giving more importance to desire and how we feel in each others' presence. It values heart over head – what we feel is more important than how we think we should feel, based on identity – which is the essence of a queer love story.