Pandemic Playlist: 5 songs to help you navigate the five stages of grief amid these trying times
As we see countries worldwide extending their coronavirus pandemic-induced lockdown, albeit it with a few relaxations, we all brace for more feelings of isolation and boredom.
And while there is some comfort in knowing we're all at home together, it does not make it any easier. Throughout this ordeal, we've seen people cycle through the five stages of grief, sometimes pausing on one as they process what is happening to the world, and at other times dealing with all five all at once.
So to help us all get through this a little easier, we've put together five songs to correspond with each stage to help you get through them, one step as a time.
Stage 1: Denial - 'The Man Who Can't Be Moved' (by The Script)
Preceded by shock, denial is a phase wherein everything seems to lose meaning and daily life is too overwhelming to deal with. For most people, this leads to a shut down followed by numbness as they try to process their loss and come to terms with moving on.
'The Man Who Can't Be Moved' is the tale of a man who cannot accept that his great love has come to an end. When he has run out of options, he resorts to living on the street corner where they first met, desperately asking people to help him find her and hoping when she hears he is looking for her she'll come back to him.
As horrifying as being in denial can seem, it just so happens to be a coping technique that helps us face our grief bit by bit instead of all at once, taking us from shock to the acceptance of reality and eventually, healing. For the man who can't be moved, there is solace in holding onto something that he can't quite let go of just yet.
Stage 2: Anger - 'X.Y.U.' (by The Smashing Pumpkins)
As the numbness fades and we accept reality for what it is, anger kicks in. Anger at the world, anger at those around us, anger at the ones we've lost and anger at ourselves for being powerless to stop any of what is happening. We begin to question life, ourselves, and everyone else. We feel abandoned and alone.
From this space of rage, what most of us really want is to do is scream. And 'X.Y.U.' is the perfect outlet for that feeling. The band themselves have described the song as a monster trying to get out and that really encompasses what rage can feel like. The lyrics center around a toxic relationship between two troubled individuals who are trying to fix each other all while being bad for one another, culminating in a tragic, screeching end.
Anger is necessary for healing because it serves as the one outlet for the confusing maze of emotions we're feeling as we process grief. But often, grief takes us from wanting to burn the world down to catatonic silence, a back and forth that works like a pressure cooker - releasing the steam bit by bit, sometimes exploding, sometimes stopping dead in its tracks.
'X.Y.U.'s noise-rock and metallic riffing combine with Billy Corgan's screaming vocals as they all build up to an inevitable explosion that is punctuated by blocks of sudden, deafening silence. The Smashing Pumpkins created a masterpiece with this track, one that represents the emotion of anger perfectly.
Stage 3: Bargaining - 'Yesterday' (by The Beatles)
We often try to strike bargains to cope with grief by offering a trade: something valuable for the return of what has been lost. Our maze of emotions gets entangled within a maze of 'what ifs' and 'if only's.
'Yesterday' is a poignant song that longs for a less complicated yesterday. It mulls over how something perfect falls apart overnight, seemingly without warning or closure, and we find ourselves haunted by happier times, wishing we could do something to go back to them. Paul McCartney's haunting lyrics wonder if he did something to cause his life to turn upside down as he finds himself stuck in a loop of thoughts and feelings that he can't seem to move past.
Grief often sees us trying to negotiate our way out to better days. And this lockdown has seen many of us make promises of treating ourselves, each other and the planet better. Some of us are hoping that if we promise to practice social distancing they'll let us out of our homes again. It's a confusing and frustrating time, one that can't end soon enough. But until it does, all we have are our yesterdays to look back on fondly.
Stage 4: Depression - 'Home Is Where the Hatred Is' (by Gil Scott-Heron)
Sadly, bargaining just won't cut it this time around. We stay at home hoping the curve will flatten and they'll find a cure, but as each day comes with more dreary news, we realize this is going to take a while. And the depression sets in.
'Home Is Where the Hatred Is', originally written about what many presume is the 'ghetto', is a melodic and somber song that details the narrator's experience of a dangerous and hopeless environment and the toll it takes on him. Scott-Heron sings about his addiction to drugs and how they feel like 'home', which is the emotion that sits behind his hatred of home. But he also sings about traversing the space between light and dark, alluding to his uncertainty with regards to the state of the world, even making references to social distancing (though in this song, it relates to addiction and racism), which makes this song remarkably relevant to the emotions we're all feeling right now.
Depressive grief can often feel like a being in a fog, much like with addiction. It's hard to see the exit sign and find out way out of it, and we start to wonder if there's any point in trying at all. For many of us, this stage is when we realize that losing something will not make this pandemic go away and that the only choice we have is to accept the new reality we find ourselves in.
Stage 5: Acceptance - 'Everybody Hurts' (by R.E.M.)
Accepting reality is hard. Often so hard, we fight against it with all our might, trying desperately to hold on to the life we're comfortable living. But eventually, we have to admit that the world is different now and that we need to find a way to live in this altered reality. But acceptance does not have to be a lonely, winding road. Instead, we can find a way to rebuild the world together.
'Everybody Hurts' was written as a message of hope and solidarity. The band wanted their largely-teenaged fanbase to know that no matter how bad their life may seem, there was always hope for a brighter day. The song details everything from neverending days and lonely nights to depressive, suicidal thoughts and asks its listeners to hold on and not give up. The mellow, soft song provides the perfect backdrop for acceptance without letting you feel alone or lost. Instead, it reminds you that everyone is hurting and asks you to take comfort in those around you.
Accepting you're hurting, just like everyone else, as well as accepting that your pain is valid, just as everyone else's is, is a great first step towards healing. And no one conveys that quite like R.E.M. did on this track.
Pandemic Playlist is a daily list of songs that will keep you entertained instead of feeling drained while you're isolated at home. Look out for a fresh selection of great tunes from MEA WorldWide (MEAWW) to refresh your mood every day.