Couple refused to reveal baby's gender to prevent 'unconscious bias' until child's grandma discovered it while changing nappy
A couple has decided to protect their 17-month-old baby from "unconscious gender bias" and is therefore refusing to reveal the sex of the toddler to their family members.
Hobbit Humphrey, 38, and her husband Jake England-Johns, 35, who currently reside in a houseboat in Keynsham, near Bath, told BBC One's Inside Out they are currently dressing little Anoush in both boys and girls apparel. The married couple are members of the Extinction Rebellion climate action group. Since Anoush's birth, they have asked friends and family to refer to their baby using gender-neutral pronouns, 'they' and 'them'.
During their appearance on the BBC show, it was revealed one of Anoush's grandparents found out their gender only after 11 months, while changing a nappy for the toddler.
Humphrey and England Johns explained their decision on the show saying it was the only way to stop people from treating their child per their gender. The baby will be apparently be allowed to decide their gender and preferred pronoun at a later age. "Gender-neutral refers to us trying to behave neutrally towards the child, rather than trying to make them neutral," England-Johns said. "We're not trying to make them be anything. We just want them to be themselves."
"So much of gender bias is unconscious," Hobbit Humphrey added. "When I got pregnant we then were having a discussion about how we were going to mitigate the unconscious bias. And we figured that the only way we could do that was just not to tell people."
"To use the they/them pronoun for as long as we can, and create this little bubble for our baby to be who they are," she continued. "Eventually, they will get told by somebody that pink is only for girls and blue is only for boys, and you can't play with that because you are a particular sex. That's still a thing that happens these days. We're just trying to protect Anoush from that."
Both Humphrey and England-Johns are circus performers. According to them, their unconventional decision to dress their baby in genderless clothes has led to "some pretty confused looks from old ladies in the park."
64-year-old grandmother Camille discovered her grandchild's gender only after 11 months while changing a nappy. "It was a struggle," she said. "But as with any learning over time it became embedded and they became 'they'."
"We are quite good now at holding space for people's discomfort in us saying, 'Actually, we don't tell anyone, we're not telling anyone for now'," England-Johns added. "We're just letting Anoush be a baby. Anoush is the most lovely little human. They're into everything, they're really active — just a delight."
"It was tricky at first when not only were we new parents, but also new parents who had the problem of people getting upset about our baby being gender-neutral,"
According to Humphrey, it was "tricky" at first as they were new parents with the "problem of people getting upset about our baby being gender-neutral." "But in the end, it has proven to be a really beautiful thing and we've had a lot of important conversations from it," she said. "It has had the effect we wanted, of letting our baby develop its own interests regardless of gender."
"So, for example, while they love having a doll's tea party every morning, they also are really fascinated by motorbikes and machinery," she explained. "Eventually once our baby is old enough, they can obviously decide for themselves what gender they want to be, but for now, we just want them to be able to grow up in their own little bubble."