'A soul-searching year for me': Carrie Underwood looks back at one of the most difficult years in her life
Three unfortunate miscarriages later, Carrie Underwood and her retired NHL center husband Mike Fischer saw their faith shaken to the core
Carrie Underwood said that 2017 had been "a very soul-searching year for me", and the time she said that she knew people would go look at the obvious: the accidental fall that saw the singer tripping on a stone step outside her Franklin, Tennessee, estate and breaking her tumble with her face, according to E!News.
It was indeed a gut-wrenching fall, and she had a metal plate in her wrist and 40 to 50 stitches holding her face together. There were also times when she wondered that her famous visage may never appear the same way. It was all bad enough for her to pen down lyrics like "I'm pretty good at keeping it together / I hold my composure, for worse or for better / So I apologize if you don't like what you see / But sometimes my emotions get the best of me."
In a conversation with Redbook last month, the singer revealed that there were more devastating things that happened in the past year than her literal fall. "There were some personal things that happened," she shared somewhat evasively. "Life is full of ups and downs, and I might have had a few more downs than ups last year."
The former 'American Idol' champ had revealed last year that she and her husband Mike Fischer would be adding a fourth member into their household. However, after her third unfortunate miscarriage, the singer and her retired NHL center saw their faith shaken to the core.
But Carrie continued doing her job, attending red carpets and making appearances, all the while avoiding any possible questions that could lead towards the confusion in her uterus. In a heartbreakingly honest response, she told the media outlet at 35, "we may have missed our chance to have a big family."
"I would literally have these horrible things going on in my life, and then have to go smile and, like, do some interviews or, like, do a photo shoot or something, you know?" she revealed this weekend on a talk show. Although 2017 started out as a nice year for the singer, with her getting pregnant, it turned out to be not so great as it "didn't work out."
However, Carrie has seen a lot of other tough stuff, so she told her interviewer "It happens," and continued, "That was the thing, in the beginning, it was like, 'Okay, God, we know this is, just wasn't Your timing. And that is all right. We will bounce back and figure our way through it.'"
Carrie further revealed that the third miscarriage was probably the hardest on her and her family. "At that point," she shared, "it was just kind of like, 'Okay, like, what's the deal?'"
Speaking about her accident, the singer revealed that she was just taking her dogs Ace and Penny "out to do their business," when she missed the edge of her stone stair. "There's one lone step," she lamented in April, "I said if I had fallen anywhere else, I would have been absolutely fine."
The songstress was, however, left with a broken wrist, a chipped tooth, and enough facial damage to necessitate surgery. "I was lucky that when it happened, everything was kind of shutting down in the music world and we had the holidays and stuff like that," she explained.
But the fear of not being able to look the same way again gripped the country star, and at one point, she even found herself worrying that her own son would be frightened by her appearance. "I was at a point where I didn't know how things were going to end up," she admitted in her interview. "I didn't know what was going to go on. I didn't know what it was going to heal like."
Nonetheless, the brave musician decided that coming clean to her fans would be her putting the best foot forward. "Because I was like, 'Man, somebody's gonna catch me at the Kroger. I'm gonna be buying groceries and somebody's gonna post something on Instagram, and people are gonna be like, 'What's going on?'"
And while the seven-time Grammy winner was letting her fans know about "why I might look a little different", her husband was having second thoughts about his decision to exit the Nashville Predators. He eventually decided that it was a hasty decision to leave the team when they had a legitimate shot at winning a Stanley Cup, and announced his plans to un-retire from the sport just five months after he'd left.
The tabloids, who thought that Carrie's accident and miscarriages might have been the reason for Fischer's change of heart, started churning out stories predicting an end to the duo's eight-year marriage. However, they did not know that Fischer had made the decision with his wife's full-throated approval.
"I would say I was the main factor in that," she told the interviewer while stressing that she was eager to see her husband excel in a sport he'd committed his entire life to. "I'm probably not a very good patient," she admitted, "because I'm like, 'I can do it. I'm not completely broken. I can do this.'"
"When you have the spark with somebody and you have the connection, that's wonderful," Carrie shared, "but when you agree on the core things in life, your beliefs and your faith, that does connect you to somebody even deeper." However, the singer didn't have a great start to the new year as well, as she suffered another miscarriage, with her face still healing from her accidental fall.
The singer then decided to put all her heartbreak and sorrow into verse. "Like, literally right after finding out that I would lose a baby, I'd have a writing session, I'd be like, 'Let's go. You know, I can't just sit around thinking about this,'" she shared. "I had always been afraid to be angry," she explained.
"Because we are so blessed. And my son, Isaiah, is the sweetest thing. And he's the best thing in the world. And I'm like, 'If we can never have any other kids, that's okay because he's amazing.' And I have this amazing life. Like, really, what can I complain about? I can't. I have an incredible husband, incredible friends, an incredible job, an incredible kid. Can I be mad? No."
The 'Good Girl' singer, having lost quite a lot of hope, turned to prayer. "We were both so excited," she has said, "and we just wanted God to watch over us and our plans and our marriage, and whatever might happen from that day forward."
The grief got to a level that while cuddling son Isiah, Carrie revealed that she had thought to herself, "I was like, 'Why on Earth do I keep getting pregnant if I can't have a kid? Like what is this? Shut the door. Like, do something. Either shut the door or let me have a kid.' And for the first time, I feel like I actually told God how I felt. And I feel, like, we're supposed to do that."
The next time, which was only two days after her impromptu prayer session, "I went to the doctor to, like, confirm another miscarriage," she shared. "And they told me everything was great!" In August this year, the couple announced their new baby's future arrival, also revealing that the up and coming member would be accompanying the singer on her 55-arena Cry Pretty Tour 360.
Carrie also revealed that her little boy Isiah is already excited about his playmate, "I mean, he'll be really sweet—he'll talk to my belly and kiss my belly," she shared. "He's the sweetest little boy. But I mean, no kid can really know that their life is going to change. He'll just have to share mommy."
When asked about her goal for the next 10 years of life, the musician revealed that she hoped she'd still be making music, "but I don't know where I'll be in 10 years. I don't know where I'll be next week," she admitted. "By the grace of God, I'm just lucky enough to live another day, and that's good by me."