Caitlyn Jenner contemplated suicide after paparazzi snapped her leaving doctor’s office during transition in 2014
The 'Keeping Up With The Kardashians' star spoke about taking the easy way out, what ultimately inspired her not to end her life and instead 'make a difference' in other lives
Before Caitlyn Jenner went through with her transition, she admitted that there was a moment when she contemplated taking her own life.
Opening up about that phase of her life at 'An Audience with Caitlyn Jenner' at Brighton Dome, Caitlyn recalled the lowest moment in her life and revealed how she could "see" how people reached that point in life where they could see end their lives.
"For me, it wasn't just about me transitioning, it was about how it was going to affect my family. That was the thing that I was really worried about," she shared with the audience at the event.
"After I talked to all 10 [of my] children — and they were okay, they were fine — the last person I had to talk to was my pastor," Caitlyn shared.
"I went to bed that night, and the next day I was out walking through this field, because the night before I had actually thought about suicide," the 70-year-old revealed.
The 'Keeping Up With The Kardashians' star announced her transition in 2015 in a Vanity Fair photoshoot front and cover. But after finding out that pictures had been obtained by the media that would turn her life upside down, Caitlyn was down in the dumps.
"I knew a tabloid picture was coming out that they had [obtained], and they were going to release, and it wasn't a good picture. I thought, as soon as it happens [the photo is released], all hell is going to break loose. I would have four or five paparazzi cars following me everywhere I went, it was a bad time," she recalled.
"And I thought about the easy way... I could see why people got to that point in life, where the easy way is just going into the other room, you've got a gun, just make it quiet and don't deal with all these issues," Caitlyn shared.
"The next day," she continued, "I was walking through this field and I was thinking of all my thoughts from the night before, and about my faith, God and what happens when I get to the pearly gates."
And that's when something clicked and Caitlyn thought against the idea. "I just got to the point where [I thought], 'You know what? Even if you go through this and it doesn't work out, what an opportunity at the age of 65, to live life authentically and for yourself'."
"At this point, by 2015, there were other trans women who had gone before me, who were great. And I thought maybe I should add my voice to this conversation, and maybe we can make a difference here," Caitlyn said.
"I decided that if the worst that happens is that I go through this and I live my life in peace, that would be the worst thing or the best thing. What a great opportunity to make a difference in your life and bring this issue forward," she added.