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Billie Eilish nearly killed herself over social media criticism: 'You will be super hated and super loved'

In a recent interview, the multiple Grammy Award winner candidly opened up about a variety of topics, including how she now deals with online criticism
Billie Eilish (Getty Images)
Billie Eilish (Getty Images)

Billie Eilish has already picked up numerous accolades and billions of streams in her relatively short but explosive recording career this far. She picked up an astounding record of five Grammy wins at the 62nd Grammy Awards this year, which included the big four that really matter — Best New Artist, Album of the Year, Song of the Year and Record of the Year. The 18-year-old singer-songwriter was the youngest artiste to achieve the one billion streams mark on Spotify, eventually earning over six billion streams in 2019 alone. She's also the youngest artiste in history to record a Bond theme song for the upcoming James Bond film 'No Time To Die'.

Yet, despite all her success, Eilish revealed in a recent GQ interview that she nearly took her own life in a Berlin hotel room in February 2018, because of all the scrutiny and judgment she had been receiving on social media. "Oh, God. It's unbelievable," she admitted. "I almost killed myself because of Twitter a couple of years ago. Like, for real." She candidly stated that some of the poisonous hate that people had been spewing about her online was causing her to despair and cry: "I was thinking about the way I was going to die."

The 'Bad Guy' singer continued, "And I remember how I was snapped back into reality. My mom and brother were with me before that moment. And they were like, 'We're going to get food. Are you going to be OK being alone?' And I was like, 'Yeah, I'm fine'." Although Billie said she was fine, her intuitive mother recognized she was evidently in a dark mood. "I clearly wanted to be alone, as I had things on my mind that I was, sort of, planning. And I think they could tell, so instead of not going, they went, but as they went they texted my tour manager, who was in the same hotel."

"I don't know what they said exactly, but I was sitting in this window by the bed and I saw him, this guy called Brian – I've been working with him since I was 14 – and he was walking towards me from the other side of the hotel. There was a knock on the door and he came in. He made me laugh and joked around. I asked him, 'Did my mom tell you to come here?' He replied, 'Maybe'." Thanks to her considerate and receptive emotional support system, Eilish got through that bad spell, but she admitted, "That whole week was very bad."

Singer Billie Eilish performs onstage at The GRAMMY Museum on September 17, 2019, in Los Angeles, California (Getty Images)

However, she also understood that she had to take steps to preserve her mental health. "Look, I am clickbait at the moment. Anything with my name on it or anything I say or do can and will be used against me. I don't watch people's [Instagram] stories, I quit Twitter a couple of years ago. I look at the occasional meme and I feel bad that I don't post more as fans want it. But I have nothing to post. Honestly. Zip." 

Eilish also had a profound insight on the trappings of fame. "The thing I realized recently is this: when you get to a certain level of fame or notoriety, it doesn't matter what you say or do; you are a certain level of known. You will be super hated and super loved. There are a million people who don't like Beyoncé and I don’t know how the hell you can't love Beyoncé. Same with Rihanna. Same with Trump – people actually like that fool! How can you like this man? But everyone is hated and everyone is loved."

We're glad Eilish is getting older and wiser as she continues to develop and mature into a thought-provoking artiste. When asked by the interviewer if there was anything she wanted to say to her younger self, the singer said, "Yeah: 'Relax, girl. You good. And don't kill yourself'." We second that sentiment wholeheartedly.